TEST RUGBY SUCKS

I watched the first half of Saturday’s rugby match between South Africa and England before taking a cold shower. Based on what I’d seen from Heyneke “I don’t care how we play as long as we win” Meyer’s charges, I thought it preferable to simply catch the end score. Poor English goal kicking and a jammy try ensured we duly won – amidst some excitement as England’s skipper did his best to allow the Boks to do so – thus assuring Meyer of an extended run at the helm. Maybe this win-only approach will save us all a lot of time. Instead of wasting an afternoon watching a mind numbingly boring hash of kicking, tackling and refereeing decisions, we simply tune in to watch the result. We could have girls dancing and music playing as they unveil the all important statistics and results. It’d only take a minute and everyone would be happy. It would give us an advantage over our fellow New Zealand fans who’d still have to watch their whole game.

The IRB need to take a serious look at Saturday’s game because it highlighted the shambles of modern rugby. Who can bear to watch another pointless scrum where the referee blasts his whistle, admonishes a random front ranker and awards a free kick and penalty which often results in another scrum and another penalty based on another infringement the cause of which is only understood by a secret society of front rowers? This is entertainment? A scrum should be a competition for the ball, the strength of two teams warring against each other for possession. Currently, a scrum is basically this: the side that puts the ball in gets it, unless some obscure and highly debateable technical infringement occurs.

As England bossed us around and our gallant team carried out their 203 tackle attempts (England 118), I was dreaming of the old days of amateur rugby when tackles were broken and players got tired. Perhaps the current crop of highly trained and conditioned players that make up the international scene have become too good for the rules.

The IRB would do well to simplify those rules. Scrums must be contests or got rid of. Refereeing error or bias must be eliminated. The ‘put a foot out and catch the ball rule’ that counts as the ball going out on the full should be deleted as a pointless technicality and waste of time. Touch judges who intervene to provide their five-cent which is proved to be wholly inaccurate should be suspended. Although not relevant to Saturday’s game I have always felt that a missed drop goal should result in an attacking opportunity for the opposition from the place where it was attempted.

“Heyneke: Boks have grown up” was the Cape Times sports page leader. That must have excluded Ruan Pienaar who ‘forgot’ that he’d put the ball into a scrum outside the 22 and proceeded to kick it out on the full in the 71st minute. And whatever the rules, we still can’t get our scrums right (see Scrumboks http://www.sportsleader.co.za/peterchurch/2009/11/18/scrumboks/). If it weren’t for good fortune and average opposition, the Boks could easily have lost two of their three European games. What’s more, it was hardly worth watching.