Take back the right to sexual pleasure

Do you remember your first time? For every person this may mean something different. Some smile fondly whilst others cringe at the extreme embarrassment surrounding their “first time”. Most people immediately think of sex, but really, this isn’t the only first significant time for most people — certainly not for most women.

If you’ve read anything I’ve ever written you’ll know two things. One I think we as women and men need to talk more about sex so that it becomes something that is negotiable and safe for both parties, and becomes something more empowering.

We also need to talk about sex so that we know the difference between good sex and bad sex. So that in cases where sex isn’t really wanted, or isn’t working well for both partners, that people can talk about it and improve. It is important for women and men to talk about sex so that rape is no longer a taboo topic — all boys and girls need to know the definition of rape, know when they’re doing it or when it’s happening to them, and know where to go if it does. All in all, its time to talk about sex, baby.

Importantly it is important to become comfortable with your own body and sexuality. The best way to do this is DIY. After all, how are you going to talk about what you want if you’re not quite sure? How will you say move a little to the left or the right, or give advice, if you don’t have advice to give? I say, go out there and have your first time with yourself right now! (if you haven’t already).

Sex shouldn’t be a scary thing. It should be something that is expressive of either a physical or emotional connection or hopefully both (in my opinion, most fulfilling). But what I’ve heard through the many stories I’ve listened to, and from some that I have received in an incredible writing project, is that some women’s memories of their first time are negative rather than positive.

These stories are important too. Why? Because if we silence them, the bad sex continues. If we silence them, the child sexual abuse continues. If we silence them, we take away a space to say “what happened to me was not right”.

So stop with the silence, have sex with yourself, find out what you like, talk about good and bad sex with your friends and hopefully (when you’re brave enough) with your partner, seek help if you have been having bad sex or are feeling abused, seek help if you have been raped, seek help when your children have been abused.

Let’s stop the silence surrounding sex and take back the right to sexual pleasure now!