South Africans (Re)classified

Submitted by Prisha Bhoola

I’ve decided to brush up on my Afrikaans — to impress Jacob Zuma. Now that Afrikaners are “in” — it makes sense. Ja dis waar, as Oom Eugene has been saying all along. Afrikaners, with their single passports are the only true South Africans!

My sister studied her entire medical degree in Afrikaans. I wonder if Meneer Jacob will give her any brownie points for that. I mean, she’ll be able to give him an educated opinion on whether showers prevent diseases — in Afrikaans nogal!

My mother, being from Durban, didn’t give much thought to Afrikaans. But she’s trying too — she’s finally mastered the “g” in Voortrekkerhoogte! Pity that they changed it to Tshwane — she could have done with a bit more practice.

Even though I did complete a degree at Tuks, my Afrikaans is limited to trying to communicate with my husband at the Gold Souk in Dubai. He is not much better, I’m afraid. We were trying to bargain with a very polite Afghan the other day. “Kan hy make it cheaper?”

So — that’s my next new project — I’ll dust off my Grammatika and start practising. I’ll impress our Geagte Meneer Zuma if it’s the last thing I do! Oh shit, there’s one problem. I’m the wrong skin colour. I’m Indian!!

Bhoola is a South African living and working in Dubai. She works for the Dubai Maritime City’s governance and strategy department