'I'm too sexy to rape' - Thought Leader

You may have read that DA MP Masizole Mnqasela was acquitted on rape charges in Cape Town a few weeks ago, and claimed that he was “too sexy to be a rapist”. You may also have read that Public Enterprises Minister Malusi Gigaba thought that the Slutwalk was an opportunity for him to “get lucky”. The problem with these statements is that they create myths about rape — that only particular types of people rape, and that only particular types of people get raped. These myths are ridiculous. Comments like these make me think that we need to start from the very beginning.

Sexy people can rape
Just because you’re a good-looking man doesn’t mean that every woman in the world wants to sleep with you. If you are a good-looking man, and a woman/man says no to your sexual advances but you continue to force sex on them that is RAPE. It is not your looks casting a spell on people so that they don’t know no from yes. It is RAPE.

Looking sexy doesn’t mean you want to be raped
Most people feel the desire to dress sexily every now and then. Sometimes this is for another person, who they want to desire them. Inviting desire is not an invitation for forced sexual intercourse. Forced sexual intercourse is RAPE. Rape is not about sexual desire but is about power. People who dress in a variety of ways are raped — grandmothers, women in burkas, children, women dressed in suits, women dressed in mini-skirts and women dressed in men’s clothes are raped every day in South Africa. Being dressed for sex does not mean being dressed for rape.

Men do not rape because women are dressed a particular way, men rape because they want power over women, and to take power from women. Sexual violence is a particularly effective way to take power away from a woman. There is no dress code that says you want to be raped.

Nobody deserves to be raped
Rape is an act of power over the victim/survivor. The aim is to take power away from someone. Nobody deserves to be raped even if they dressed sexily; even if they went home and had consensual holding hands, kissing, fondling or oral sex. Saying yes to vaginal sex does not mean saying yes to anal sex. Saying yes to oral sex, doesn’t mean saying yes to sex. You can do all of these things and still say no. You have a right to say no to sex. If you have said no, and someone forces you to have sex (or uses threats or weapons to make you agree to have sex) this is rape.

If you would like to know more about your rights, have a look at this incredible booklet from the Rape Crisis Cape Town Trust.

Sexiness has nothing to do with rape. Sexiness doesn’t prevent or cause rape. Rapists cause rape.