Screw the Ugandan gays, Gareth Cliff, Schabir Shaik, WC2010...

…and any other issue that may get you riled up. Because it is all irrelevant if we don’t have a planet to live on. Yup, that’s right, all our problems, all our high points, all our crimes, all our achievements will be for nothing if we don’t get an agreement on climate change.

The summit in Copenhagen was a disaster. The agreement a complete farce. It would have been better to use it as toilet paper. At least then it would’ve had a purpose. Leaders like Obama and Wen Jiabao have tried to spin it as a starting point to something better. But we all know that is a load of hot air. No I am not going to make some dumb joke about CO₂. This is not the time for jokes. If the planet heats up by just 2 degrees, our country is going to look more like the Sahara than the savannah. So if you want to live in a fricking tent with a bunch of camels, well, then you go ahead and make a joke. Make as many as you like. But I can guarantee that you won’t be having the last laugh. No, that will be reserved for the vulture that sits above your dying kids waiting for them to take their last breath. You’ve seen that photo. A scene that looks so removed from our everyday life. Well, we’re barrelling towards it a lot faster than you think on a choo-choo train of energy consumption and selfishness. And when I say we, I mean we: none of us will be spared. Don’t matter if you got a mansion or a billion in the bank, when there is nowt left to buy, there is nowt left to buy.

Some say the problem can’t be solved. That it is too complicated, too complex, beyond our control, fraught with intricacies that the average man can’t understand. Well, those people can bugger off to the desert too. The solutions to climate change are not beyond our reach. They just require a willingness to solve them. And that is where it all goes wrong. Our willingness is lacking. We don’t want to solve the problem. And we have elected leaders that reflect that opinion. Zuma, Lula, Obama, Brown, Wen and all the other leaders went to Copenhagen without a mandate. They went to Copenhagen knowing their nations don’t really want to solve climate change. Knowing the people of the world don’t really want to do the hard yards and fix the problem. We’d rather party now and pay later. Who really cares if our kids live in a desert? Camels make nice pets.

P.S. To my gay bros in Uganda, the WC2010 dudes, Schabir, you know I love you. I was just trying to make a point. Gareth Cliff, you’re still a cock.