Proteas vs the Poms: A heavyweight clash worth savouring

The England-South Africa Test series is upon us and sets up as a mouth-watering prospect. Let’s look at some of the match-ups.

Graeme Smith vs Ryan Sidebottom
Biff no doubt has some fairly decent memories of the 2003 tour, but a lot’s changed since then. Most importantly, the Poms have probably learnt over the past five years that bowling on his legs isn’t quite the winning strategy they originally thought it was. This will probably diminish the odds of him repeating the consecutive double centuries that launched him into the limelight last time round. Let’s hope not.

The Poms also have a much-improved bowling attack, led by the Yorkshireman Ryan Sidebottom, whose curly red buff makes him look a bit like Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons. Botty can bowl, though, and his left-arm seamers have picked up buckets of wickets since his return from the wilderness. Much as Biff would love to have a lefty seamer to add some variety to his arsenal, he doesn’t actually like them himself. His problems with Zaheer Khan when the Indians toured SA were painful to witness, and if he doesn’t get his feet working from the start to counter Botty’s early movement, he’s likely to get caught by some sucker punches. He does carry a weight advantage, however.

Prediction: Botty to get the better of the earlier rounds but Biff to dominate the longer the fight goes on.

Makhaya Ntini vs Andrew Strauss and Alistair Cook
A tough double act for the veteran George to contend with. Strauss looks back to his best and I’ve got an ominous feeling that Cookie’s going to take to our bowling (just a hunch). This won’t be good. I recall with no fondness how Strauss and Tresco toyed with us on occasion when they toured SA, especially at Kingsmead, when they treated us like a sparring bout and gave the impression they were matrics having their way with the new boys, in a manner of speaking.

George is one of a few likely to be on their last tour of the Queen’s country and much will depend on how successfully he angles the ball across the lefties and entices them to steer the ball to Bouch, Biff and Jakes, his willing accomplices. He may not quite have the athleticism and gas he used to, but he’s got a lot more experience under his belt, and at least he won’t have to bowl the slower ball. Seeing George kissing the hallowed turf of Lords after his ten wicket haul last time round is firmly etched in SA’s sporting legend. What price for him to do it again?

Prediction: The lefties to gain the upper hand, but George will always be able to find help in his corner, where Morne Morkel will be itching to even things out.

Dale Steyn vs Michael Vaughan
There are few greater sights in world cricket than Dale Steyn and Michael Vaughan in full flight. Steyntjie has the extremely rare ability to swing the ball late at genuine pace and must be relishing the prospect of conditions that should assist this further. When fit and in form (a rare combination) the English captain is as elegant as they come and compares to the very best. If there is flaw in his technique it’s outside the off stump, where he’s inclined to nick off from time to time. Steyntjie will need to exploit this early and pepper the Pom skipper with a few body blows to make him think twice about launching onto the front foot.

Prediction: Steyntjie takes it on a split decision

Kevin Pietersen vs Jacques Kallis
The batting heavyweights from each side, both likely to anchor the innings from number four. Prodigal son KP has made the most of the opportunities in his adopted homeland and now seems to relish coming up against SA, much like Steve Waugh and Mike Atherton did. That may be a compliment but it also threatens to derail our bid for the series as KP can box clever or launch a ruthless assault depending what the situation calls for, making him a match-winner in any form of the game.

He’s yet to play a test against the Proteas, however, so the butterflies are sure to be there, which could make him susceptible to early pressure. Jakes is pure class and the (super)glue that holds our batting together. Boasting a near-flawless technique and superb temperament, he’s as reliable a performer as you can find. He’s also overdue for a double hundred! Watching these two go toe-to-toe will be a joy to behold.

Prediction: Too close to call

Mark Boucher vs England
For some reason Bouch hates the Poms. Hates them. The nuggety Border terrier would like nothing better than to get one over the Poms on their home turf before he calls it a day, and will come out all guns blazing from the first bell. He’ll have to keep his wits about him, though; his keeping was below par on the previous tour as he struggled with the late swing once the ball was past the bat. He also has some footwork issues with bat in hand and tends to get stuck on the crease too often. This makes him a prime LBW candidate and also results in too many played-on dismissals as he simply wafts bat at ball. England will want to exploit this.

Prediction: “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” Bouch to come good and bid a fond farewell to Mud Island.

Series prediction: A humdinger. Proteas to win 2-1.

Feel free to add other match ups or comments.