Are we spoiling our children?

I find that far too many people crave social attention and desire praise for any little thing they do. This is a serious problem that perhaps reveals deep-seated feelings of inferiority and self-doubt.

It has bred a culture of sucking up where people go out of their way to please or gain the approval of those considered VVIP or prominent people in society, for instance.

Giving too much praise or prizes to people, especially children, who do not deserve it is a detrimental social action. It undermines the growth, development, self-determination and confidence of the person who receives the praise.

However, this has a worse effect on the person who gives the underserved praise because they know that they are sucking up, dishonest, manipulative and frankly lying through their teeth.

I learn that some African-American, hip-hop, multibillionaire named Puff Daddy bought a R2 million Maybach for his son who recently turned 16.

The reason for this is nothing else except that he has the money and this is his son.

Now, talk to me about a father who is raising his son to be perpetually dependent and never learn to do things for himself. This is very common practice among parents, especially in the black community, who go out of their way to please their children for doing absolutely nothing special except existing.

As a result, there are more and more parents who are stressed, guilt-ridden and slave themselves in the community because they are anxious to provide the best for their children.

We now have to contend with children who dress in designer labels, wear expensive hairstyles and have loaded wallets or purses. These new material children are raised to believe that life, history and their parents owe them something.

They have a sense of entitlement which has shaped and moulded them not to ever bother doing anything worthwhile for themselves because mother and father must provide.

I am not saying that parents should not go out of their way to make their children happy. It is okay to do what you can when you can for your offspring to be very happy and feel appreciated for existence on earth.

But what is a serious problem is that some youngsters are unaware of how hard their parents have to work for them to get what they take for granted. Observation of trends among the emergent poor middle-class, for instance, is that it is easy to find a parent who has bought expensive clothes for children who do not have an education policy.

I guess this is because in a material-worshiping world wearing beautiful designer clothes or driving your parents’ expensive car is more important than obtaining good marks at school, for instance.

It is said that fine feathers help make the children look good and boosts confidence in a society that judges you by the clothes on your back. But this tendency of parents overworking themselves because they want to deliver the best for their children is exactly what drives them to corruption, crime, stress and early death.

“I don’t want my children to ask me where I was or what was I doing when everybody was getting filthy rich.”

This is the new mantra of over-worked and greedy parents who want to justify their wrongdoing in the name of their children. It looks like the expectation of children to have everything they want at whatever cost is beginning to backfire.

This pressure is a big factor in the erosion of our moral fibre. It is time that we taught our children that giving them everything they desire for doing nothing is a hindrance to their development.

There are far too many freebies for young people.

In fact, giving prizes and praise to youngsters who are not exactly a source of pride does not help them in any way. What we need are youngsters who learn early that they must stand up and work for themselves as future leaders.

They have to learn quick and fast that you earn what you have in life, including material accumulation and respect.

Perhaps it is time that parents asked their children: what have you done to deserve my lofty praise and prizes?

Our children need to be strong and responsible if they are to carry the weight of the future.