Oprah's African women don't love themselves

Not too long ago I was frightened by words of a young, gifted and African woman who expressed a desire to be recreated in Oprah Winfrey’s image: confident, aggressive and, of course, American.
This beautiful soul is a high-flying creative achiever who wants to be what she is not: a poor imitation of an African-American super-woman.

This is what film-maker, TV personality and editor Kgomotso Matsunyane said, which made me stand up and shatter her words as they jumped at me from a Sowetan page (September 17): “I have come to realize that in this country humility is overrated and people kind of try to restrain themselves in case they get judged.” Of course, Kgomotso is a little dynamite that will blow your head off with her infectious personality, intelligent conversation and … er, African humility.

But I was disappointed to learn that she has fallen into the trap of Americanisation of the African soul and personality. You see, the whole world has mistaken the self-effacing humility of African women in the name of culture for lack of confidence. Perhaps one needs to be intuitively connected to their resilient spirit that has always defied and defeated colonialism and Americanisation to appreciate their subtle and nuanced self-assertion and confidence.
I say so because it is common to find some people, including super women like Kgomotso, who uphold the view that they need to change what they are.

They now desire to be aggressive, confident, prominent and media darlings like America’s Oprah Winfrey, who is, of course, a wo-man with big … er, balls that makes some afraid of her. But she is more American than African and with her kind of money she is expected to be like an over-in-charge cowgirl.

However, African women are just complete and fine as they are.
In fact, their self-effacing humility radiates quiet confidence, resilience, warmth and the beauty of the African spirit and people.
Some of them, like Kgomotso, need to understand themselves.
I say so because I knew Kgomotso before she was corrupted and influenced by the Oprah magazine and editorship. I have witnessed her confront a hostile world in her own terms and emerge victorious. In fact, Kgomotso is the type of African woman who has confronted the most brutal economic system on earth and refused for her talents to be limited by the colour of her skin.

Today, I look at Kgomotso as the triumph of the African woman spirit, albeit humble.

My dearest Kgomotso, I know that YOU can hold your own next to Oprah. You contributed to her super-achievement by steering her big ship of a magazine while she was raking in more dollars in America.

This is only an appeal to you not to undermine yourself. Love yourself as Oprah loves herself. It is an incorrect view that African women need to attend grooming classes that will help them operate like Americans. They are not good as they are. In fact, they are some of the best in the world.

Despite your many years at Oprah’s magazine, you do not have to popularise her misrepresentative view of indigenous African women. In fact, silly suggestions that to be dynamic you must be loud, aggressive and noticed are for people who seek external approval. I am afraid that your disparaging remark about the docility and subservience of African women speaks directly to the problem of super-achieving and corrupted African women who turn against the only thing they have: their African womanhood!
This is often the case with women who are over-exposed to magazines like Destiny, True Love, Cosmopolitan and, of course … Oprah magazines.

Also, they attend world-class conferences and seminars at top hotels and thus have lost touch with the spirit of being a true African woman.

The vast majority of African women who are the backbone of this society do not receive sustained care from those they have paved the way for. They are dismissed as no-hopers simply because they do not speak fluent English and know what to do at a garden party.
It is disappointing and hurts that a super-achieving African woman like you would say unbecoming words about African humility and attitude.

As an African, I can feel the pain you inflict on yourself. Ironically, I have heard Oprah’s voice from the beyond the seas declaring:
“We must empower young African women to be world leaders like Nelson Mandela. They are the ones the world has been waiting for.”
So, how could YOU doubt the worth of African women when even Oprah herself has flung the doors of opportunity wide open for them?

I am puzzled that you, great African daughter, seem to have internalised the pain of living under apartheid racism and are thus informed by self-rejection, which misleads you to believe that African women need to change themselves to be American.

The reality of African women who are humble to a self-effacing extent is not something that many women in the creative and performing arts would identity with and relate to. In fact, nobody has any business to equate African women who exercise power behind the scenes to sycophants whose role in life is limited to pleasing their male counterparts.

If we were to put African women under a critical light, we would soon see that they not only measure up, but also have carried the world’s pain and burden that no other women have the strength and resilience to do.

I know that comparing Americans and Africans is absolutely unfair because of their difference in upbringing, culture, world outlook and self-definition of their roles in society. But this unfair practice is what fuels the misguided viewpoint of looking down upon African women in the name of critical thought and freedom of expression.

I have lived, worked and played with African women, including those who are big names in the arts, politics and business today.
With hindsight, I think that the triumphant spirit that has resisted the imposition of the Passes and kept the broken soul of the African man buoyant still beats in their hearts and souls.

African women may not be celebrities that capture headlines in Cosmopolitan or Oprah magazines and are thus projected as super-women in make believe photo-shoots. But not only have they grappled with the problems of colonialism, apartheid, racism, capitalist exploitation and sexism, but also they have defeated it.

In fact, they have fought alongside their male counterparts not only to liberate this country, but also to run it. They have always possessed a political awareness that not only saw them raise children of their oppressors, but were torn inside when their children left this country in pursuit of freedom, education and the armed struggle.

We need more African women like you to understand the spirit of the African woman so that you can transform yourselves. If truth be told, it is the African woman’s spirit that has brought us to where we are: a democratic and non-sexist society.

This self-empowerment has seen African women become members of the ANC executive, for instance, which means that they are equal to their male counterparts in all respects. We cannot call them sycophants and weaklings when a Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka can, out of principle, step down from the presidency while a Mamphele Ramphele can speak truth to power and shame patriarchy. We have to talk about and celebrate the different experiences of African womanhood informed by class, their geographic location in the African continent, religious background and, of course, cultural influences.

We should not assume that because African women are not like Tyra Banks, Oprah Winfrey or even Helen Zille, they are subservient, docile and need to recharge their psychological batteries. The African women that I have witnessed and experienced in my family, government offices, corporate suites and community love themselves and are full of confidence.

In fact, we must be wary of portraying them as “wounded” souls who need to attend confidence classes to behave like European or American women. This perpetuates a patronising and false “inferior status” when they still are in the frontline of the struggle against sexism and racism.

African women like YOU must insist on being judged in your own terms, dear Kgomotso. The fact that they borrow European women’s hair and lifestyle does not mean that they must also borrow European brains and attitudes.

To thine own self be true, African woman!