Oh, wind your neck in!

Am I missing something or are we rapidly putting our ability to take criticism in the same parlous condition in which we’ve put our planet?

This isn’t about the futile he-said-she-said roundelay or the kind of puerile my-view’s-better-than-your-view nonsense. This is about listening, really listening to what people are saying, questioning their propositions, their motives to ensure we comprehend their views. And then tackling, if so we feel obliged, their views.

Of course, you cannot separate the opinion from its holder — as little as you can separate a suicide bomber from his or her conviction.

My first blog on Thought Leader tackled Riaan, with tongue firmly wedged in my cheek, on rule ONE of this forum: “Discuss the issues, not the people. Contributions launching personal attacks or that are hurtful and insulting will not be accepted. Respect other people’s views and beliefs.”

Okay, okay, I concede bigots are hard nuts to crack and hypocrites wave stupidly back and forth like kelp in a hurricane. And fundamentalists are fun — try it the next time the walk-about church comes knocking at your door. Hear them out, probe and counter with your views. They usually go away quite discombobulated.

As my biblical studies professor said in my first year at Rhodes: if it’s the truth, it’ll stand up to any amount of questioning. That’s what saddens me about Maasgate. I admire the passion, the faith and the resolve of the angry band of pilgrim protesters, but it was the truth that took it in the throat the day the musing died.

But are we not striving for something of value?

Anal retentive is a favourite put-down term, but I’m still not sure I know what it means. If you wanna dis someone bad, you call him anal.

But I have heard that when popinjay pilots get too arrogant stretching their necks to appear superior, the feet-on-ground-and-grease-under-fingernails mechanics will tell them to wind their necks in.

Put these two together and you have a great life lesson: a sure way to keep your head from getting jammed up your arse is to wind your neck in … often.

I’ve been a Toastmaster for 22 years and I know how the cynics and invertebrates like to poke fun like drunk cowboys on a Saturday night at Toastmasters, but anyone who has even made it through to CTM — Competent Toastmaster level — will tell you it ain’t for sissies.

As for the organisation … to quote Breyten Breytenbach “met al sy fokops en voos kolle” nothing gets to be the world’s oldest, biggest and perennially most successful adult education organisation by dodging awkward issues.

Success in Toastmastering, whether in communication or leadership, is premised on growth through criticism. Of course, it’s often subjective, but those crits are the exceptions. Over time you come to recognise which critics will give you greatest growth.

And because you are frequently called on to critique someone else’s speech, you study the best ones — we call them evaluators. And the whole way through, no matter where you come from, no matter who you are, if you wind your neck in regularly, take the criticism — fair with the unfair, concrete with the airy-fairy, biased with the open-minded, petty with the profound — you will grow. Of that I have no doubt — two world’s firsts and 14 other trophies to prove my point.

Criticism doesn’t alter who you are. Criticism doesn’t degrade or denounce you, whether you’re an individual, a company or a whole party. Criticism pushes, nudges, cheers, kicks and sometimes sucks, but done properly I’ve never seen it crash. After 22 years, more than 1 000 speeches (prepared and off-the-cuff) from New Orleans to Newtown, from Washington to Witbank, I’ve had a lot of criticism. And once you get to recognise it, boy, the good stuff works.

Ask my colleagues how many times I ask for their opinions. Ask my kids, my friends even my ex-wife.

This isn’t braggadocio. Hey, too often I have to wind my neck in for a luxury like that.