Objects in the mirror seem larger than they are

I got the all clear from the physio on Tuesday to start training again. Keep it easy he said but do a little work to warm up the muscles. This was closely followed by a consultation with a dietician who proceeded to tell me that when you’re doing an hour training session it isn’t serious enough to expect to take any energy supplements, drinks or gels. A hard training session and intake of these would be necessitated.

Firstly all happy with the OK to train and feel exceptionally fortunate and blessed to have escaped with so few injuries. My jacket and cycling longs suffered the worst and now I look war-torn and battle-scarred, although that in itself is quite cool.

But telling me that my idea of a hard training session of an hour to an hour and a half is too short to warrant the use of some cool energy stuff, well that’s just downright annoying. Also, telling me that I am fat, not just a little overweight but actually on the “hello is that your BMI or your IQ” side of things is also non-too-pleasant.

Follow that up with an insultingly easy training set for the week, a result of me being a little afraid of injuring or inflaming myself and you have a recipe for let’s spend some money. A visit to the Tri Shop however resulted in my coining the phrase “objects in the mirror may seem larger than they are”.

Have you ever tried on something a little too tight and thought, that’s OK, I can get away with it? This was not one of those occasions. I looked like a whale in the tri-suit. I don’t mean an oh that’s cute whale, I mean like a beached, he’s out-of-place whale.

Wow, those suits are really tight. No wiggle room at all. Didn’t even get to try on a wet suit as the mere thought of 15 minutes trying to get into one had my wallet shivering.

Ingrid was, as always, highly supportive. There was a look, the briefest of sniggers and then the wife took over and gave me guidance as to the fact that the suite may be a little tight under the arms. Did the woman not realise that among my most prized possessions stood a good chance of being misshapen forever and there were more important things to focus on? She was helpful though and we agreed that I need to get back to some serious training, drop 6 to 8 kilograms and then revisit the tri-suit idea.

So it’s back to training. Going to take it easy. Starting to think twice about what I eat. Looking at portion sizes. Looking at contents on package again. Eating that morning snack and mid-afternoon snack that holds back the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal from taking over.

But I can’t help but be haunted, never knew I looked that large. Honestly, objects in the mirror …