By Cynthia Ayeza Mutabaazi
The world of physical abuse is one of the most annoying I have ever encountered, mostly because it is protected by both the accused and abused. Imagine having to tell your girlfriends that your boyfriend assaulted you? For many girls and women, the shame that comes with knowing you were so devalued, reduced to feeling like nothing, reduced to a pulp, to a worthless punching bag seems to overpower the courage to walk away, let alone tell someone.
I have heard some men AND women throw around comments like “she had it coming”, “she must have provoked him” etc. I am so enraged by these comments mostly because, for me, they sound terribly ignorant and painfully callous. Understandably, some people — male and female — leave a lot to be desired as humans but realistically, we are all a work in progress. No one has yet reached perfection and never will as long as we live in this wonderfully twisted world.
I champion the cause of women, they should never ever be beaten or physically abused by friends, family, lovers or husbands or whatever strokes your preference. I still do not know what keeps many abused women in abusive relationships.
Some, like the married, stick it out for their children but not always. For the unmarried, I am not sure, but if they have children perhaps that too is a factor. For some, it is the financial security and what a curse money then is!
I have found a common thread among physically (and emotionally) abused women and that is a low self-esteem/confidence or self-worth. It is the hardest thing to pick up again and reinstate. Once shattered, it requires an enormous amount of courage to rebuild — but it is possible to rebuild it. When one is hit by a man, after the shock of being hit (it’s got to be shocking each time), their sense of value for themselves immediately drops. The ability to walk out the door is crippled, numbingly stifled by that sense of worthlessness.
It’s a pity there are women who lack a sense of self-confidence, who fail to see where real security is: not in the money their husbands may provide, or the idea that the children need stability from both their parents being together or the falsified sense of status that comes with who you marry etc. I would like to see more and more women walk away from unhealthy relationships, be unafraid to speak out about this, not just verbally, but the very act of walking away being the ultimate speaking out/up.
Irrespective of what friends and family will say, or what your community will say, your life is worth a lot more than the coward who won’t respect the delicate nature of your build. It is no myth that if he hits you once, it is one too many times already. A third and fourth is bound to come your way. Choose life. There is help out there for those who need that extra injection of courage to walk out. There is help, get help. To the coward I say to you, MAN UP! To the abused woman, there is more to life than sweet nothings.
Cynthia Ayeza Mutabaazi is writing her master’s thesis in culture and media studies titled “Identity Politics and the Face of Africa” at the University of Pretoria.
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