Necropolitics: Our newest answer to the Mugabe question

So Robert Mugabe is still here. He is still running Zimbabwe, he is still buying suits in Hong Kong. He is still causing his country misery, and his so-called war vets are still acting like war criminals. But one thing is new: our government has adopted a new strategy on Zimbabwe. It’s called Necropoliticking. Waiting for the old bastard to die. It’s a long-term strategy.

But when will Robert die? This is a question a lot of people have been asking for a long time now. But unfortunately it doesn’t seem anytime soon. The latest pictures from the Shanghai expo (two finger to you, China for letting him attend) show a man who is old but still in pretty good health. Obviously cancer and horrible things like that don’t always display themselves in a visible manner, so we can’t be 100% sure, but he does look fit. Especially with his gracious wife, Graca on his arm, looking very pretty in pink. Pink is a very popular colour with Zimbabwean ladies. Especially the ones who have to wear maid uniforms south of the Limpopo, because Graca and her hubby have blown the GDP of their country on lavish living for them and their cronies. What must all those ladies be thinking, while they hoover the guest room? … “How the hell did I land up here, didn’t we get liberated 30 years ago???”

Oh well, they shouldn’t worry, our government has a plan. We will wait until he dies. Look, it may mean they have to keep cleaning houses, and their men will have to keep doing the gardens, for the next 30 years, but hey, it also means we won’t have to ask the hard questions. Like when does a liberation hero become a dictator zero? Or how long is too long to stay in power? Those questions are far too close for comfort. We’d rather just keep tiptoeing around, waiting for the old codger to kick the bucket (and hope that he doesn’t kick his country any further into the drain along the way).