Kimani Chege
Kimani Chege

Honey, no sex today, until you know how to govern Kenya

There is a common phrase that is gaining popularity among Kenyans. Extraordinary moments require extraordinary solutions — Kenyans have taken this statement wherever they go.

This was the basis of an argument raised this week by women organisations in Kenya when they slapped a seven-day sex boycott to pave way for men to reason together and solve the mess that the country has become.

Well, as ridiculous as it sounds, the women lobby organisation have gone ahead and asked the first lady and the prime minister’s wife who are patrons of these organisations to be the first to deny their spouses their conjugal rights.

They saw, if the two principles are sexually starved, they will be forced to reason together and stitch together the torn country.

“Honey, before we do this, think, for the sake of Kenya!” We all imagine the response of these prime men to this challenge.

But why is this problem so extraordinary that it calls for extraordinary solutions? Before you accuse these women of going against the calls of Apostle Paul, let me take you down memory lane and see why this seems like the only way to go.

The men in question here are President Mwai Kibaki and Prime Minister Raila Odinga. These men led two different parties during last elections in 2007 and the results did not produce a clear winner — they were all rigged.

What followed this was a spate of senseless killings with each side claiming victory and killing was the only way to sort this for the first months of 2008. Somehow, Kofi Annan managed to convince the two principles to sign some “peace papers”.

In my past article, I questioned the commitment of these two, just like many Kenyans did. Now they are it again. The country doesn’t seem to be there any more. They are fighting over small issues like carpets and toilets. They are fighting over who to speak first and who to seat where. I would find this normal if it was in a kindergarten. They cannot control Parliament, ministers are fighting in public, others are quitting. Reforms planned never took place. Displaced Kenyans are still in camps, it’s just getting worse. This is a country that has gone to the dogs — not intending to undermine these canine friends of mine.

The country is reeling in problems. Insecurity has been on the rise. Gangs and vigilante groups seem to have higher intelligence than the police. Crime in downtown Nairobi is the norm. If you don’t die of hunger and starvation, you will die of a bullet, and if you don’t die of Somali terrorists or Ugandan military, who are now out to claim a piece of the country, then you die of sex starvation.

A case example is when 30 people were recently butchered by a gang commonly known as Mungiki. For those who don’t know this group, it is a group that terrorises their victim through extortion and any resistance is met with beheading or outright hacking. Nobody wants to go against this group. So, this group recently killed these people in a single night in Kibaki’s home district. We are still waiting to hear from him on this.

Then came Uganda and its claim of an island off Lake Victoria, the biggest lake in Africa. The Uganda forces forcibly ejected fishermen from this infinitesimal island and planted their flag. It seems like there is nothing the government in Nairobi can do. Are they afraid to act? That seems the question with every Kenyan.

As if things were not getting any better, the Somali terrorist group called al-shabaab has communicated “officially” to the Kenyan government of their intent to claim and rule the vast and under developed North Eastern province. Sharia law is the way to go, they say. And they are ready to use any force necessarily to get this territory under their authority. All this happens as these two, men, oops! I almost called them gentlemen, are fighting over toilets.

Well, I guess, there are other parts of the country that anyone can now claim to own, after all, no one will bother asking you, it’s yours to keep.

These are issues that the women are ready to take to their bedroom to see them addressed. Many men have laughed at this idea but it is clear how frustrated the women are that they have resolved to use their last ammo in their arsenal.

It is understandable why they would resolve to do this. While ordinary men have dared them to go on with the boycott, these are the people who are suffering more from the collapse of Kenya’s economy.

When violence erupted in 2007 to 2008, women were raped and displaced let alone losing their husbands and children. When men could not get jobs, these are the women who, like those in most parts of the continent, worked in the farms to bring food to the dinner table.

These are the people who are at risk of similar issues if the country is torn apart. What would you do if you were a woman and the only way to be heard was to enforce a sex embargo? I would do exactly that.