Just imagine saying “yes” to absolutely everything

Picture the idea of taking a vow to say “yes” to any request made of you, to say “yes” to any event. Heck, I wonder if we would still be alive after a week. I would have to follow my wife’s suggestion, which I get from time to time of, “oh, why don’t you just jump out the window”. We live on the 22^nd floor in downtown Shanghai. Interestingly enough, I had a look at my use of the word “no” of late, perhaps not using the exact word, but refusing to do something required or suggested. The other day, on the way back from work with my wife in the taxi, my mobile phone rang. I did not recognise the number and did not want to answer the phone as it is often part-time job offers, which I prefer to deal with during working hours. I cut off the call. Sure enough, a minute later I got another call, another anonymous number, and resignedly handed my phone to my wife to see if the call was worth pursuing and muttered to her to tell the person I am not available. She chatted briefly on the phone and told the person I was not available. She hung up and told me the person’s name and my jaw dropped. It was an old university friend who I had not seen in nearly 20 years. I looked at the number on my mobile more closely and sure enough, the code was for Cape Town, South Africa. My “no” led me to nearly missing a golden opportunity to hook up again with an old buddy. Fortunately he phoned again later.

This got me thinking about the use of yes and no and what dramatically different paths the words take us down. When living in England I was retrenched from a job I hated anyway and when I got home I decided to meditate, a practice I love, as it cultivates serenity and creativity. An image of China sprang in my mind — to this day I do not know why — complete with red lanterns and children’s shining, slant-eyed faces. I chose to say “yes” to the image and we have now been in China for four years, very happy, and in the last year and a half we’ve saved more money than I thought was humanly possible while still enjoying a comfortable lifestyle, given teachers’ salaries. Put it this way, we will be millionaires in a couple of years time if we keep this up.

I shudder with fascination to think what would have happened if I had said “no” to that powerful image of China which is still reverberating through my life and has had such tremendous, positive results in our lives — in England we were getting close to being bankrupt.

I got the idea for this article from a sweet, daffy film I saw the other day, Jim Carrey’s Yes Man in which the character he plays, Carl Allen, takes a vow to get out of his boring, narcissistic rut where even his friends are deserting him. The results, of course, are hilarious, though it got too off-colour for me when a granny insisted on giving him fellatio and he has to say yes — you don’t see it of course — but I was repulsed, especially when she plopped her false teeth in a glass: aaaarrgghh!! But Carl Allen’s life completely changes for the positive. One of the funniest moments was the ending. Carl needs clothing for a charity he wants to support and he arrives at the charity with a truckload. The scene then changes to the founder and motivational speaker of the “Yes!” Programme who is seen strutting out onto a stage before an audience of thousands. He starts his gimmicky motivational patter then stops, gobsmacked. Everyone in the audience is stark naked. It is clear where Carl got his clothing from: no one on the Yes Programme is allowed to say no to anything. (If you haven’t seen the movie I hope I haven’t spoiled it for you. It’s okay to say yes if I did.)

The film would probably have the likes of Shaun de Waal and Barry Ronge sneering at it for its lack of depth and aesthetic blah de blah but I confess to thorough pleb-hood and watch movies from James Bond to Iron Man (way cool) and nearly anything to do with conspiracy theories for entertainment and not to have to think, for krissake.

But there is a lovely philosophy running through Jim Carrey’s dotty Yes Man: learning to say yes to life, instead of no. Within reason, I believe neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) has its place though it should not be emphasised too much and should be seen as just one of the tools in the toolbox of personal growth and living a radiant life.

On the note of NLP I teach Chinese kids English here in Shanghai and one way of teaching children English is to chant songs. As an experiment, the other day we just practised chanting questions and had to say “yes” to every question. The effect was electric: the air fairly crackled with positive energy. When we switched the chanting questions game and answered “no”, the atmosphere actually became more subdued. Hmmm.

So I am going to simply start saying “yes” to a lot more things in life, especially risks, and see where that takes me. Watch this space.

(Ohhh … let me predict readers’ comments on this blog: “Chinese chicken soup for the soul”, “Chinese soup for the chicken soul” … )