It’s just Super, unless you like big cats…

Note: This was written on a Friday, before the weekend’s carnage fully materialised.

Click goes the remote as a Lions fan has to absorb yet another loss in the Super 14. There is some spilt beer on the floor, a King Carlos moniker on a dart board with several holes within the crown that this faithful rugby supporter drew at the start of the season. He expected it to be a rough season, but not this brutal … and boy, has it been fucking brutal.

The above I imagine is a scene that has certainly taken place in several homes all over Johannesburg, and the few missionary stations that carry red as their rugby colour. While the Stormers, Bulls and Sharks have the equivalent of supporter branches across the country, the Lions and Cheetahs fan must feel like a BBC journalist at a Julius Malema press conference — ridiculed and dismissed.

While the travails of my beloved Lions have had many non-Lions fans rolling in the aisles (except the Cheetahs … they get it, and originally being born in Welkom, I’ve always had a soft spot for our fellow close-to-bottom of the log cousins) hark! There is bright news coming ashore.

Here’s a quick review of the Super 14 season thus far:

Bulls — Scary at Loftus, even scarier when defending. But if they finish top of the log, and there is a good chance they might, expect old Victor and his sandpaper beard to enjoy the silverware once more. Oh, and Pretoria’s own house of pain, known simply as “Bakkies”, is back …

Stormers — Allister Coetzee, with Rassie Erasmus watching from who knows where, seems to have brought in a sangoma to move their perennial under-achievers tag across the Indian Ocean to Auckland. They are playing some good rugby, but that front row … BJ Botha’s presence would be much appreciated.

Sharks — Where on earth were they for five weeks at the start of the season? Five wins on the trot, Ruan Pienaar is playing like a champion once more (at scrumhalf — note those who have the magic selection finger) and John Smit isn’t kak on the loosehead side of the scrum. Peter de Villiers must be doing back flips.

Lions — Seems the previous three-year rebuilding cycle was as effective as the first two swines’ homes in the “Three Little Pigs”. There is some talent there, but for pete’s sake, another loss would mean the Lions would become the worst Super 14 side ever. In Dick we trust! The Currie Cup can’t come soon enough …

Cheetahs — Juan Smith returned, and plaudits to him with his father sadly passing away. He is the best No 7 in the country and his presence sure adds 20% to his Cheetahs brethren. They got the Blues, the “new” Stormers, this week and would do my Fantasy League prospects a huge service if they put the Kiwis away. Come Currie Cup time they will again be there and thereabouts.

Brumbies — All the talent in the world, then came the injury boogie-man. Matt Giteau got slapped on the rump for saying naughty things about Steve Walsh. While I hate to criticise referees, he didn’t have the best game did he? Hopefully he will come back better and stronger. A strange season that will end with a stranger team taking shape for next season. Robbie Deans must be wondering what on earth is happening in Canberra.

Reds — What can I say? Quade-y and Will-y (Aussies sure love those Ys don’t they?) appear to be the Aussie half-back pairing at the moment. Plaudits to Ewen McKenzie who surely has the most stylish side in the competition? Their uniforms are pretty cool too. If they win it, heck, wouldn’t that be awesome (if one of our sides didn’t)? They showed against the Stormers and Bulls that they weren’t all flash either, with their pack doing the work up front. Team of the season no matter who wins the gong.

Waratahs — They play boring rugby, and if it weren’t for the Highlanders today (who deserve a pat on the back for proving that horrible cliche — “There are no easy games in the Super 14” said by every media-trained coach — right), they could’ve caused a bit of a rumpus towards the summit of the log. Still, they sure know how to win ugly. Berrick Barnes must be cursing switching from the Reds. Imagine him in that backline?

Force — All it seemed to take was a win against the Stormers (who must’ve taken some form of narcotic or simply didn’t give a shit to play that badly) and now they are a match for anyone. The return of Richard Brown and David Pocock also proved to be very important, and their victory over the Crusaders has changed the shape of the season. John Mitchell will go inevitably, but Nathan Sharpe is showing his class once more. James ‘O Connor is rather handy as well.

Blues — As previously mentioned, their inconsistency is the most consistent thing about this hugely talented side. Pity they seem to lack the bottle to gel it all together. Stephen Brett has shown us why he is such a mercurial player — you have no bloody idea what he’s going to do (very much Carlos Spencer combining with the Lions backline … apples and oranges). Oh, did you see Luke McAlister’s attempted conversion against the Force? Didn’t even make it to the corner flag …

Crusaders — They haven’t played all that well this season but still sit in the top four. That should be enough to convince anyone that they are a team no-one wants to play in the semis. I mean, seven titles? Beat that Frans Ludeke! Chris Jack is also back, and what is even worse is that Graeme Henry doesn’t seem to give a fig about the form of New Zealand’s Super sides. Such disdain for short-term results bodes ominously for the 2011 RWC. The question for Todd “The Silver Fox” Blackadder’s men is: where is the semi going to be?

Hurricanes — Very much like the Blues, with much talent but a lack of resolve (eg: versus the Sharks) pawned their chances hard this season, especially their horrible tour of South Africa. Ma’a Nonu and Conrad Smith are still the business, but they better watch out for Rene Ranger. That kid is class. Nearly men for another season sadly who simply [pun alert] run out of puff.

Chiefs — Last year’s finalists had a settled look about them, and after an awesome start to the season, imploded more spectacularly than a George Bush poetry reading. Injuries played their part, but they also managed to piss away 18 points last week against the Cheetahs. The end of the season can’t come soon enough. Will be among the favourites for next year.

Highlanders — Led by Jimmy Cowan, these guys, like the Cheetahs and Lions, sure give it a good go. What they have done is win 300% (how do you times 0?) more games than the Jo’burgers. Israel Dagg showed some good form this year, and again against the Waratahs. The weakest New Zealand side by far, they haven’t played all that badly. Onto 2011.

An interesting question is: who’s keen on the Super 15?

The run-in to the final is certainly going to be entertaining. Best of luck to the Stormers and Bulls!