How not to get pick-pocketed

I have never been pick-pocketed. Sure, part of that could just be luck, given the reputation of countries I have lived in — South Africa, England and China — or those I have visited. But I do know I am very careful, wily in fact, about where I put my wallet.

But we all know many others have not been so lucky, as seen in the recent blogs on the nightmare of going or living overseas and having valuables stolen. It must be a horrible experience, even if you are in your home town, far more so if you are half way around the planet. Marion’s entire day was spoilt the day she had her handbag swiped in Shanghai. She couldn’t even get into the home (I was at work) as she had no keys, and could not phone as her cellphone was in the bag. It was a day off from work for her and she had had wonderful plans. So I would like to present the simple things I do to frustrate thieves and I encourage readers to add their ideas.

I have an old, sleeveless jacket that must have been designed with pickpockets in mind. It has deep pockets on the outside on the waist. But it also has inside pockets with zips in the same place. When travelling, I put worthless items in the outside pockets, such as tissues, map, brochures and keys. Hotel keys or card are not valuable compared to wallet, cards and cash, and can be easily replaced. The jacket has very deep pockets. The thief would have to put his upper arm into the inside pocket to get anywhere. Further, the outside pockets had two apertures, one above, and another one on the sides at the rear. The latter I can put my hands into the way you would stick your hands into trouser pockets, and amble about, with a hand securely against my wallet. The trouser-like pocket also does not access the outer or inner pocket, making it actually a third pocket to further baffle your opponent. Obviously spread the valuables across at least two pockets.

Wearing a jacket like that I know has ensured I never get my stuff pick-pocketed. Once I was in the old city of Jerusalem. Our tour guide warned us repeatedly about pick-pocketing, and that the thieves saw it as their right to steal. I actually could feel their hands digging into my outside pockets whilst I sauntered along through the crowds in the ancient markets, my hands in the trouser-like pockets, gently holding the real stuff. One or two actually cursed as they walked away. Hee, hee. Nothing like defeating your opponent. Mess with the best, die like the rest, as they say in the PC gaming world.

China is not a dangerous place to stay for foreigners. But it is renowned for pick-pocketing and other petty crimes, or “grey areas” like charging foreigners more at flea-markets etc. Thinking of my trusty sleeveless jacket, I had trousers especially tailored with my opponents in mind. The trousers were made with the front pocket openings HORIZONTAL, not at 45% angles, or semi-vertical, which is an easy way for your opponent to slip his hand in. Your adversary, behind you, just casually raises his arm at more or less the same 45% angle and inserts long fingers. Horizontal apertures? Much more difficult angle. Of course, I also made the pockets very deep, so again your adversary has to slide in more than his nasty, Gollum-like hand. When I got my new trousers, I discovered they came with a new, crafty trick to truly piss off the rival to ownership of your wallet or purse. The inner pocket pouches taper down and have a neat little triangular cup at the end. What happens is that the average wallet gets slightly stuck in the little linen cup, and the entire inside pocket tends to come out all the way like an umbilical cord whenever I remove my wallet. Once it was out, I still had to give the wallet a slight wiggle to free it. This was a minor irritation for me, but an absolute nuisance for any adversary. I don’t know if the inner pocket was deliberately designed, but whilst in China I would always show the tailor a sample and insisted he make new trousers with the same “device”. The tailor would grin knowingly.

The other simple trick is to always just have your hand in the same pocket as your valuables, lightly holding them. Or have your arm, while you walk or stand, lightly pressed against the pocket. Don’t swing that arm. After a while that becomes a subconscious habit. So, touch wood, I have never been pick-pocketed.

Ladies, those infernal handbags. Especially when travelling, keep nothing valuable in them. Put your purse and so on into a jacket as I have described above or into deep trouser pockets with your hand almost always in the pocket. Is it worth having trousers made the way I have described them for an overseas trip? I think so.

The fanny-bag or pouch which rests just above the groin. Fairly daft invention. It is like a neon light to your opponent. The strap can be easily cut from behind, while the thief’s colleague snatches and runs away with the pouch. That’s just one of many manoeuvres. Rather just use the pouch as a decoy, filled with non-valuable items such as tissues.

I am hoping readers can add other worthwhile suggestions to my tried and tested ideas. But please bear in mind my advice obviously does not cover being held up at gunpoint, armed robbery, kidnapping, a sinking ship or alien abduction. Just plain ol’ pick-pocketing.