Greece is in financial crisis and Germany recently offered to buy the island of Corfu to help kick start the nation again. Now what if South Africa was in the same plight and was offered a purchase for her historical Robben Island? Just imagine the following South African personalities and others acting as brokers for the purchase of Robben Island:
Comedian John Vlismas as broker
“May we buy your island?”
“So long as you turn it into a nudists-only resort with a 24/7 reality TV show. Cameras everywhere. SA gets a percentage of the advertising revenue.”
Schabir Shaik as broker
“May we buy your island?”
“What .. ? cough cough … you seem to have forgotten the details of that little arms deal sometime ago. We were actually going to ask you when my connections could quietly buy it back without anyone … you know … ”
Archbishop Desmond Tutu
“Father, what about us buying your island?”
“I would rather be flagellated on her beach and crucified for all to see on her highest hilltop than sell you our island.”
Jacob Zuma
“Mr President, is it possible to purchase your island?”
“Okay, no problem … but when we visit, will we have to shower with our condoms still on?”
Helen Zille
“May we buy your island?”
“Only if you take Julius Malema as its full-time janitor. According to his school report, for the whale and dolphin watchers he can make wooden benches and sight-seeing towers that suddenly collapse. When the injured tourists sue you employ our attorneys.”
Julius Malema
“Sir, could we move your island for you?”
“Comrade, we are already in the business of selling land rights. I can cut you a deal for the following areas (points to map of SA) if you can bring enough eurodollars to the table. What?? As little as that? Get out, you bloody racist. This is a revolutionary house … put that rubbish back in your trouser … ”
David Bullard
China asks: “Could we acquire your island?”
“At fucking last! I always said they need someone like you to blame … ”
Robert Mugabe
“Hey, pssst … how about we buy that island?”
“Don’t know yet. I still need to know what percentage Malema will cut me for my advisory capacity.”
Evita Bezuidenhout
“Mevrou, kan ons miskien daardie stuk land koop?”
“Agh, skattie, sing saam: die land is my land
En nou is dit jou land
From Mbeki’s last stand
To Zuma leading the band
Met baie vroue in sy hand
Some call it a voting erection — agh — election stand …
Die land’s natgenaai for you and me …
“Agh toe. For you, I will throw a koeksuster franchise in with the ou island. Ons in die ou vaderland noem dit Koek en Moer™. Het jy geweet sommige mense dink dis baie hip om hulle tale to mix?”
Eugene Terre’Blanche (resurrected for the occasion)
“Meneer, may we buy your island?”
“Vok julle! Nou het die oorlog begin.”
O’Hagan’s barman
“May we buy your island?”
“You mean the one that comes with vodka, tequila, gin, triple sec and rum, sir?”
Bert Olivier, NMMU Professor of Philosophy and Thought Leader Blogger.
“Could we procure your island?”
“What IS an island?”
Rod MacKenzie
“Hey, could we buy your island?”
Buy this island? Here?? The New Zealand authorities would probably give me twenty years to life if they ever find out. But let’s talk … ”
A prince with dignity and determination
Prince Ngarambe’s goals are to become Rwanda’s first transgender model and to uplift the country’s youth
The EFF’s principles are unshakeable
Unlike the ANC, the core values of the freedom fighters do not change with each leader it elects
