Do you know what you're touching?!

Yes, I know. It’s anal. Even slightly creepy. But it makes sense.

I freely admit that I am one of those people who hangs around in public toilets waiting for someone else to come in or go out so I don’t have to touch the door handle. Or performing acrobats so I can use my shirt to cover my hand in order to avoid physical contact.

The number of people who don’t wash their hands after using the toilet is unbelievable — or perfectly believable, depending on how cynical you are — and I’m only talking about the women in an office setting. No wonder we need Global Handwashing Day! It’s the simplest and most basic way to prevent the spread of colds, flu and other forms of ickiness, and so many people just don’t get it.

I’m especially concerned about door handles because I’ve always read that they are covered with more germs than the average toilet seat. Somewhat disappointingly, an American professor of environmental microbiology says that door handles are home to less bacteria than any other surface in a public toilet, though other studies claim otherwise.

Only an American could be called Chuck Gerba, PhD. It’s worth nothing that he also says that office desks are much filthier than the average toilet bowl. Work really is bad for your health.

(As is shopping. If you’re interested, the handles of shopping trolleys are especially pestilential (thank you Pick n Pay for providing antibacterial wipes to your shoppers). Fridge door handles and TV remotes are pretty horrific too. And germs can survive in hotel rooms for a day after some sneezing troglodyte leaves his effluvia everywhere for the next guest.)

Finally, those of you who insist on flushing with the lid up – you know who you are — do you realise that some of those miniscule droplets are going to end up on your toothbrush?? It always amazes me how even germ-obsessed types forget the basic fact that bits of what is in the bowl are capable of travelling up to six feet upon being expelled forcefully into the surrounding atmosphere.

So if you leave the lid up, remember, next time, that minty fresh breath of yours isn’t all it seems.