It seems you were right. The natives are out to get us. I have tried to help them out, teach them a thing or two about democracy and living the rainbow dream, but all they have done is taunt me.

I put on their bloody T-shirt and they laughed at me. I played their records and invited them round for tea, but they just spat in my mug and told me they don’t listen to that type of music any more. In fact, some of them even told me they had never listened to that music at all. I was most disturbed. I said, “Can’t we all just get along?” They said no.

I was desperate so I told them I like pap. They said we like potato. I said I like Black Label. They said we like Windhoek. I said I like KFC (even though I’m a vegan). They said we like Nando’s. I hit on a brain wave and said I like Orlando Pirates. They said we like Man United. “But you’re black?”, I answered, “Those are white people things … ”

Suddenly the truth dawned on me they are coming for our stuffs. They are not happy to just have their things, they want all the things. My liewe god, Oom Paul, hear my cry! These okes are going to eat me alive. I don’t think the 12ft high wall and the boom-gate are going to keep them out. I am packing my bag right now and coming to Orania. Is there space for me there by the farm? I know how to grow organic vegetables and I can make a very nice lentil dhal. I learnt the recipe at the ashram.

Kind regards

Your friend

The white (sort of) liberal

P.S. I was wondering if I left my Ray-Bans there on my last visit. They seem to have gone missing.

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  • David Smith is a world famous artist and a British Olympic hammer thrower. He is a curler for Scotland and Manitoba. A pro wrestler fondly known as the British Bulldog. A Canadian economist and a Mormon missionary they call the Sweet Singer of Israel. He is a British historian and a bishop. David Smith is the biographer of HG Wells, a professor of physics, a composer and a music teacher at Yale. He played rugby for Samoa, England and New Zealand. He created the Melissa worm, a deadly computer virus. He is the Guardian's man in Africa, he starred in a reality TV show and shot his way to silver in the 600m military rifle prone position at the 1920 Summer Olympics in Antwerp. But this isn't that David Smith. This is the blog of the other David Smith. David J Smith. The one from Durban by the Sea. The one who lives in Amsterdam. Yes, him. The David Smith who likes to write about himself in the third person. To learn about all the other David Smiths: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Smith To contact this David Smith: [email protected]

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David J Smith

David Smith is a world famous artist and a British Olympic hammer thrower. He is a curler for Scotland and Manitoba. A pro wrestler fondly known as the British Bulldog. A Canadian economist and a Mormon...

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