Could this be the start of something big?

“Sorry” is in the air. “Sorry” is everywhere. And it’s come for you and me!

Suddenly, in an unprecedented move, the normally offensive members of the ANC are apologising for their multitudinous mistakes left, right and centre.

Bearing in mind this is contrary to every basic principle of its übermensch philosophy; of the African National Congress and tripartite alliance’s black-don’t-give-jack mindset, it is truly remarkable.

Even the big fella, Mr T, apologised for the energy crisis (so what if it was before it became a disaster and national embarrassment?). Thabo Mvuyelwa Mbeki has never said sorry. Not even when he offended every sense of virtue and morality. This is a big deal.

Not to be outdone (or probably to curry more favour), Energy Minister Buyelwa “Sleep Earlier, Get Cleverer” Sonjica also apologised. And she looked persuasively serious in doing so!

Now the semi-sentient carbon-based life form George Lekgetho, MP, has said sorry to all the South Africans (presumably including women) for saying the legalisation of whoring (hey, it still sounds better than “sex working”, doesn’t it?) would help men to avoid the tormenting temptation to rape women (he didn’t mention children, though — odd …).

Don’t pooh-pooh it, folks. This is an important recognition because not only does it demonstrate a plausible change of heart, but also maybe even the cellular-level growth of brain cells in members of the ANC. This is valuable, especially if that cellular development goes beyond the primitive region of the neocortex that simply controls the opening and closing of the mouth.

Now if the Sorry Syndrome is infectious, we could face a veritable Biblical deluge of apologies.

Sorry — for killing people through HIV/Aids denialism, for the lethal conditions in state hospitals, for the collapse of law and order, for the omnipresence of corruption, for stimulating the brain drain and the crime gain, for deserting the people of Zimbabwe, for squandering our scarce water resources, for allowing the disintegration of our public transport system, for nepotism and cronyism and incompetent public administration … and on and on.

Beware, because this could be a dangerous, double-edged Okapi pocket knife of the kind tsotsis so cherish. If the nation is suddenly subjected to 14 years’ worth of sorries, would we be able to handle it all without precipitating a 47-million-strong lemming stampede for the nearest stretch of coastline?

Would the media be able to cope with the lahar of statements? Could our young cyber-network carry all the sorries? How would the international community react to the barrage of knowledge about what really happened to their investment billions? How would “organised” labour react to the knowledge that months of strikes were all in vain?

And while our rulers donned Gucci sackclothes and showered themselves with ashes from Dior, how would the country continue to function properly? Would it continue to function at all or would the subcontinent simply collapse in on itself like a burnt-out supernova?

One huge, tectonic black hole of sorrow.

We didn’t think about that now, did we? The repercussions of mass humility and party penance could be disastrous. If the ANC starts genuinely trying to fix the mountain of fuck-ups, we could end up fubar. The cure could be worse than the disease.

Before there is wild rejoicing in the streets of righteousness, let us pause and consider, my brothers and sisters, uncles and aunties, grannies and grampas, and the couzins, let us consider whether we really want a virtuous government.

Or is it better to stick with the devil we know?