Could the SA post office just not steal over Christmas?

We have simply learned not to send gifts back to South Africa unless the item is not worth stealing … which sort of makes it pointless to send worthwhile presents, doesn’t it?

Family in New Zealand has sent family in SA stuff like the entire kiwi rugby clobber (there are some closet kiwi supporters in SA among the ex-Zimbabwean family faction who shall remain nameless.) The rugby kit never arrived.

And we know from the experiences of fellow ex-pats and friends in SA: do not send valuable gifts; they just never arrive. Beautiful knitted cardigans somehow transform themselves into dirty, scruffy jerseys by the time the beneficiary receives them.

Books seem to be okay, preferably if you write a short message inside and put a little blue cross on the cover, thus rendering it second hand.

So in the case of sending gifts, it’s either books, or we send money, so that that other venerable institution, the banking sector, can take more than their fair share in “service fees” and so forth. But at least a loved one, like my mother, gets something from her son. We simply accept this state of affairs.

Once in SA I subscribed to a year of National Geographic. I never got a copy. I confirmed several times with National Geographic offices in Jo’burg; they confirmed the order. I complained to the SA post office, filled in a form. I still never received a single issue.

But the SA post office really hit rock bottom when they started stealing birthday cards to my mother from China. You see, the Chinese make an art form of cards. They are striking, with little chains and sequins strewn across the covers. The sequins and baubles slide up and down the silver and gold chains. They are not available in SA as far as I know. The ones we sent had genuine dried flowers arranged on the cover along with sequins and little colourful cloth ribbons stuck on the cover. The cards were half-way to being one of those gorgeous pop up picture books for children. They come with a paper insert so you can write a message to your loved ones and friends without writing on the card, which is so knobbly from all the decorations glued on, it makes writing difficult.

We sent two to my mother; one from me and one from my wife, Marion. This is because they are so original and pretty we just couldn’t decide which one, so we sent her two.

They were stolen. My mother received a re-sealed envelope with an official note from SAPO saying the card had been tampered with and officially re-sealed. They could have at least left the letter from us to my 83-year-old mom for her to read on her birthday. No, she got an empty envelope, which is somehow more insulting than getting nothing, isn’t it?

So this Christmas we have written on the pretty card covers as well, inside the cards and not on the paper inserts. I have thoroughly sealed the three cards we are sending (two Christmas cards and one Happy New Year) with Christmas sticky tape. On the back of the envelopes I have written “Please do not steal. No money inside. This is just a Christmas card for my mom. Have a heart”. (In the picture of a card below, if you can see, the chains and ribbons are real ribbons and chains, with cute sequins sliding up and down the chains like glittering diamonds.)

So, you thieves at SAPO, have a heart. Just hold back on stealing from loved ones over Christmas, okay? Then you can go back to your pernicious ways in January, contributing to the bad image of SA as World Cup 2010 looms – an image which none of us wants in the global economic turmoil.