We open on SA President Jacob Zuma seeing off Sudan President Omar al-Bashir at Air Force Base Waterkloof. They kiss, but in a friendly way. Al Bashir lifts his robe, boards a plane and takes off.
Murder accused Christopher Panayiotou and Zwelethu Mthethwa run onto the tarmac.
PANAYIOTOU: What about us?
ZUMA: No, not you.
MTHETHWA: Is it because I’m black?
ZUMA: No, it is because you are late. He he he.
Nicolas Cage walks onto the tarmac now getting somewhat crowded.
PANAYIOTOU: Who are you?
NICOLAS CAGE: I’m Nicolas Cage from the ICC.
PANAYIOTOU: The International Cricket Council?
NICOLAS CAGE: No, it’s a court in The Ha … never mind. (Points to the sky) That man has no business being in the air.
MTHETHWA: Is it because he is Arab?
NICOLAS CAGE: No, it is because he is guilty. We’ve been chasing him for ages.
Bashir’s plane circles back, lands, drops off Kate Moss, takes off again.
NICOLAS CAGE: Damnit, there he goes again.
KATE MOSS: Anyone got blow?
NICOLAS CAGE: Ignore her. (Turns to Zuma) We sort of want to know why you let Bashir go.
ZUMA: Aaaauw.
NICOLAS CAGE: Aaaauw?
MTHETHWA: He means, “No.”
ZUMA: Aaaaauw.
MTHETHWA: Aaaaauw?
ZUMA: African unity.
MTHETHWA: Oh, AU. (Turns to Nicolas Cage) He did it for African unity.
NICOLAS CAGE: Oh OK, well, in that case, fine. Just, when you see him again, tell him we’re looking for him.
KATE MOSS: Anyone got blow?
Fade to black.
Title up: Con Air: African Escape
Roll credits.
A prince with dignity and determination
Prince Ngarambe’s goals are to become Rwanda’s first transgender model and to uplift the country’s youth
The EFF’s principles are unshakeable
Unlike the ANC, the core values of the freedom fighters do not change with each leader it elects
