John McCain was only joking when he mumble-sang “Bomb bomb Iran” to the Beach Boys’ Sixties hit Barbara Ann recently, says at least one of the scores of respondents in the US to my misguided plea for them not to vote dreary old John McCain into office this November.

Of course he was only joking. That was plain to see. He rightly looked embarrassed while, even in mid-bomb, he looked down as if he knew that he was watching himself in mid-faux pas.

So the fact that it was a joke excuses it? If you or I made a joke about bombs while standing in a queue at an American airport, do you not think there might be consequences? But it’s OK for a man running for the presidency of the United States to make a (weak) joke about bombing Iran, a country that many people believe the US is quite capable of bombing?

Well, OK, let’s apply a little largesse here. If it’s OK, then shouldn’t McCain maybe do a better job of it? Look confident and sing out. Put some oomph in that squeaky burr of a voice. Use the diaphragm a little. And why not go the whole hog and sing an entire medley of Beach Boys songs?

Ooh, look, I just happen to have one to hand. While you compose your vitriolic onslaught at Spag Blog‘s latest sub-Saharan audacity, enjoy this new Beach Boys medley. Just one thing: It is not a joke. War is not funny.

Bombin’ is the only way, a medley

By Jomb-Bomb McCain
With apologies to Brian Wilson

Bombin’ is the only way
The only way for me
Now bomb
Bomb

Bomb bomb dit dit dit-dit
Bomb bomb dit dit dit-dit

Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran
Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran
Bomb Iran, take my hand, let’s bomb Iran, ooh-oooh
You’ve got me shootin’ and a-bombin’
Look how’re they’re a-reelin’
Bomb Iran, bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran

Went to Iraq
Lookin’ for a spark
God what a lark
We were bombin’ in the dark

Now bomb Iran bomb bomb
Bomb bomb Iran
Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran
You’ve got me shootin’ and a-bombin’
Look how’re they’re a-reelin’
Bomb Iran, bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran

Died: Mary Lou,
Died: Peggy Sue,
Died: Freddie too
We’d all told ’em not to go

Now bomb Iran, you’ll be sittin’ on top of the world
Don’t be afraid to join the greatest war in the world (bomb Iran, bomb Iran waa-haah)
Those who won’t just have to put it down
You fly on out, drop ’em down and down and baby
That’s all there is to this wartime craze, now let’s
Bomb Iran, you’ll be sittin’ on top of the world

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could wake up
In the kind of world where we belong?
Wouldn’t it be nice if people loved us
Like they used to do when we were young?
Now it seems that we must live without it
God I don’t know how I’ll live without it
Wouldn’t it be nice …

I can hear music, I can hear music
The sound of the city baby
Seems to disappear

Died: Mary Lou,
Died: Peggy Sue,
Died: Freddie too
We’d all told ’em not to go
To bomb Iran

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Tony Jackman

Tony Jackman

Tony Jackman is a journalist, budding playwright and sometime chef. He's written two plays, An Influence of Ghosts and Blue Train Coming, and back in the day wrote loads of songs. He paints a bit in watercolours...

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