Benni doing what he does best: Being a douchebag

“Who at all the pies?” shouted Carlos Alberto Parreira as he milled about the Bafana Bafana cafeteria. Aaron Mokoena, having recently arrived from England, was about to dig into some green Thai curry when he hard his coaches rancour, and replied, “Not me coach. I’ve just come from a place that is pie central.” Parreira looked around, and out of the corner of his eye, sitting at a table by himself, saw a pile of pie wrappers on the floor. He knew he was the culprit all along, but the Brazilian’s eternal optimism (when coaching Bafana Bafana, that is a vital attitude) always got in the way. But, the time had now come to say something. He hadn’t had a Cornish or Chicken & Mushroom in a week, weirdly enough the same time ‘he’ had been in the training camp. He walked over to the table.

“Benni, what are you doing? While it’s ok for me to eat what I want, it isn’t for you! The World Cup starts in under a month and you are still the size of a hippo.” McCarthy looked up, put down his Pepper Steak from his right hand (his left had a Cheese Griller in it) and promptly raised his middle finger. He didn’t say anything (since his mouth was full) but Parreira got the message.

While the above scenario is a tale of fiction, I think I can say with confidence that many in the Rainbow Nation wouldn’t be surprised if it were true. This week, news filtered out from Brazil that the Bafana trainer felt Benni was still too fat, and having seen pictures of him at training recently, I don’t think he was wide of the mark.

Benni, in his wisdom (or lack there-of), threw his toys out the cot and called a press conference that he eventually didn’t even pitch at. What a douchebag! For those who don’t know what that is, here it is with the help of urbandictionary.com: “A person with a shitty personality that needs to ‘take themselves the fuck down’ or ‘go home and get their fucking shine box’. A douchebag usually assumes the form of a hair-gelling pretty-boy but can also be described as an overzealous, pompous, or vexatious asshole that most people wish were killed with a Mortal Kombat fatality.”

While I certainly don’t wish Benni dead, the fact he can’t handle being called overweight when it is very much fact goes to show that he is a shadow of the player that won a Champions Leagues title with Porto and led Bafana in the early Oozies. Apart from not being as fit as he used to be, he has managed to go one step further by sabotaging the reported family atmosphere the Carlos Alberto Parreira had built up at his Brazilian and German training camps. Reports have emerged in local press suggesting that fact that Benni acts in petulance to everyone else in the squad is causing discontent, and to be fair, why wouldn’t it?

With a player such as Nasief Morris, one of SA’s best defenders, sidelined because of disciplinary issues, the fact McCarthy gets away with everything undermines everything Parreira is striving for. And SAFA, who lead the way as the most incompetent sports federation in this country, have decided to make the situation even worse with CEO Leslie Sedibe saying that Benni had a valid reason for not attending the briefing.

How stupid does he think we are? Clearly, there are very discernable discipline problems with McCarthy, and the fact he being given special treatment from the establishment is ridicolous. In the past, I’ve said that McCarthy, while not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, must play in the World Cup because he is our best forward. Now, I am having my doubts. Is it really worth all the Malema-like behaviour for him to stay with the squad? I have my doubts.

Benni McCarthy needs to get his act together and start behaving like a person who actually gives a shit. His ego, and fat belly, aren’t what is needed a time where SAFA’s disorganisation is threatening to derail what is already at wobbly train. Play for your country and not yourself, then maybe he might get the respect that he craves. Otherwise, I would rather have 11 individuals representing my country who might not be as good, but at least will show the passion required to get SA beyond Group A. The odds are long, and with McCarthy at the moment looking like a passenger, this mess needs to be sorted out otherwise it will simply be a case of all the pessimists being proved right.