My brother, I don’t blame you for the way that you feel, I don’t blame you for doing things that you know, in your intellect, are not true to you. I don’t blame you for overlooking the blatantly obvious things that she does to hurt you, things that scream out foulness and stink of disrespectful […]
The Sumo
The Sumo is a strapping young man in his late 20s who considers himself the ultimate transitional South African. Born and raised in a KwaZulu-Natal township near Durban, he was part of the first group of black initiates into the "multiracial" education system. He was (and is) always in contrast to the norm, black in "white" schools, a blazer-wearing coconut in the township streets, and now fat in a sea of conventional thinness in the corporate world. This, and a lifetime of junk-food consumption and beer guzzling, has culminated in the man you will come to know as the Sumo. See life through this man's eyes; see life through lard.
Posted inLifestyle
Recipe for a South African music video
Being the Sumo, and being a responsible member of society, I have many pressing matters to attend to on a daily basis. Such important matters as making certainly sure, personally, that the employment rate in the fast-food industry grows exponentially each year at the same rate as my gut. I manage this by keeping my […]
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Update: The Sumo, all cut up!
I published a blog called “The Sumo, all cut up!” two weeks ago where I took you through the horrible ordeal I experienced called a tonsillectomy, or “the worst pain I’ve ever felt”, as I fondly referred to it. On that piece I went through my emotional states before and after the ordeal: the physical […]
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The Has-Been-Hotties
Fat people are slow by their gigantic nature. This, to disillusioned thin people, may seem like a huge disadvantage; well, it might be most of the time like when you are being chased by Fluffy, the neighbours’ annoying poodle, but sometimes it is actually an advantage. See, being slow helps when it comes to observation […]
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The Sumo, all cut up!
The team of surgical nurses and doctors that stood overlooking the hospital-gown-clad Sumo had looks of certain dismay on their faces as they contemplated how they would move the 147kg Sumo from his hospital bed-on-wheels to the operating table reminiscent of a butcher’s chopping board. As you can imagine, the Sumo, naked under the rather […]
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The Oros Man
Being overweight is a strange disposition. I doubt that thin people have as much to worry about as us, their thicker cousins, when it comes to day-to-day “normal” living. I was outside smoking by myself the other day and got to thinking about the year-end functions on which we are about to embark in the […]
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The Nightmare Series: Aeroplane rides
Ladies and gentlemen: welcome to what you will come to know, hopefully fondly, as the Nightmare Series. I hope that you will come to wait eagerly for each addition to the series with bated breath and overwhelming anticipation. From time to time I will throw in these pieces, which will be insightful explorations of the […]
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Living with the lard
I hate it when “normal” people come up to me and say or do things that suggest that I am, in fact, not fat, that my condition is normal, that I have some mental block that prevents me from completing, or even attempting, the Comrades Marathon. The mere thought of long-distance running brings on heart […]
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The Big Sexy
My name is The Sumo; Sumo for short. You can call me Mr Sumo if you so wish or even Sumolicious if our relationship develops to the pet-name-calling level (which I hope it does, ladies). I’m 147kg of strapping Zulu male, 1,79m tall and handsome beyond measure. I’m proud of who I am and am […]