This is not something I’ve done before, mind you. I bought him on Saturday afternoon, for R550, and what an interesting experience it was. I felt like, all empowered and stuff, expressing the power my corporate salary confers upon me and using it to turn stereotypes on their head, yadda yadda, and all in the […]
Sarah Britten
During the day Sarah Britten is a communication strategist; by night she writes books and blog entries. And sometimes paints. With lipstick. It helps to have insomnia.
Posted inLifestyle
It’s time to declare a pox on annoying people
It’s been a while since I’ve had a good bitching session about People who Do Annoying Things, and it’s high time that this oversight was rectified. So, I give you my latest list of people who deserve to be cursed with a chronic infestation of pulex irritans. First up, pedestrians. Yes, South African motorists hate […]
Posted inMedia
What does your beer say about you?
Do you ever think about what the advertising for the beer you drink says about you? Are you downing the cool beer, the beer for average guys, the working man’s beer, or the beer for metrosexuals? Beer ads have long been an interest of mine. I devoted a chapter of my doctoral thesis to the […]
Posted inLifestyle
So I got unfriended on Facebook
And I’m perturbed, mainly because unfriending anyone online is a big deal. It really is. Facebook, you see, has changed the nature of friendship quite profoundly for those who have entered that apparently innocuous blue and white portal, garlanded with cheery suggestions of “You haven’t talked to her lately” and such anodyne prompts as “What’s […]
Posted inLifestyle
How do people come up with this stuff?!
You know how it happens. You sign onto Twitter. You start tweeting. Mohamed, your IT director, makes a recommendation, and you find yourself following TinkabelleTease, who offers such gems as: “Had to hot foot it back to Mayfair to give a newly divorced fella a porn star experience which was a great laugh, and then […]
Posted inLifestyle
Do you know what you’re touching?!
Yes, I know. It’s anal. Even slightly creepy. But it makes sense. I freely admit that I am one of those people who hangs around in public toilets waiting for someone else to come in or go out so I don’t have to touch the door handle. Or performing acrobats so I can use my […]
Posted inMedia
Jissie Joost, how could you?
Jissie Joost, couldn’t you have shocked us all a bit sooner? Like, when I was still completing the sex chapter in my new collection of insults (out soon in a bookshop near you and perfect Christmas gifts for people you don’t really like and can’t think of anything to get them, hint hint). That’s the […]
Posted inLifestyle
Why do Afrikaans speakers make up such awful names?
Once upon a time, Hestrie Cloete inspired me to write a piece for the Sunday Times Lifestyle supplement. She and her husband, Jurie Els, had invited Huisgenoot into their home to view their new progeny, a little girl. They had bestowed on the poor child the ghastly moniker of Chrizette. She would have to go […]
Posted inLifestyle
Essex girl or jolly hockeysticks?
We’re having a culture day at the agency on Friday. Everyone is supposed to dress up and bring a plate of eats symbolising their cultural heritage. This is easy if you’re Indian, or Xhosa, or Italian. Or even Afrikaans. But what about us English-speaking South Africans of somewhat mongrel origin, who no longer qualify for […]
Posted inMedia
Would ‘Got Eggs? Donate some!’ work for you?
“Got Eggs? Donate some!” Even you have to admit that is an arresting headline, especially when it appears, not in your local Pick n Pay, but a doctor’s waiting rooms. The brochure on which this headline was displayed was a soft pretty pink, so it was immediately clear what kind of eggs they had in […]
Posted inLifestyle
Why did I cross the road to buy the chicken?
Once, donkey’s years ago, I attended a function at the German ambassador’s house in Waterkloof. It was something to do with the Friedrich Naumann-Stiftung, which funded the student publication I was editing at the time. We stood around eating canapes and listened politely to a few words from the generous Germans. All pleasant enough, though […]
Posted inLifestyle
Road rage and mating lions
“How long does it take to look at a bladdy lion?” The tannie in the double cab is not happy. Her gold bracelets are jingling with indignation in time with the krr-krr-krr of the diesel engine. She must be in her 40s, overweight, hard-faced but still glamorous, and she clearly doesn’t take kak from anyone. […]