This week has been a bit of a mixed bag for the celebrity tweeters of this world. Kanye West earns the otherwise elusive respect of millions by apologising for Imma let you finish; Kevin Pietersen is fined for tweeting about knobs and Australian Olympic swimmer and rugby fan Stephanie Rice was dumped by Jaguar for […]
Sarah Britten
During the day Sarah Britten is a communication strategist; by night she writes books and blog entries. And sometimes paints. With lipstick. It helps to have insomnia.
Posted inLifestyle
So I had my wisdom teeth out
And it’s horrible. Right now my lower lip is completely numb and my face is completely lopsided — grotesquely swollen on the right and almost normal on the left — so that I look like half a hamster. It’s a scary sight: in a way it’s worse than looking like, well, a whole hamster. At […]
Posted inMedia
Why do you think I’m stupid, Cell C?
Dear Lars I’m a Cell C customer. Well, not directly — I have a Virgin contract because I’m a commitmentphobe and at the time they were the only ones offering month-to-month — but I use your network. In fact, the words “Cell C E” probably mean more to me than any other brand I interact […]
Posted inLifestyle
The Springboks, Weet-Bix, Airwolf and Nurse Busty
Occasionally — very occasionally — I am gripped by a completely alien urge to tidy up; to clear out the clutter, let go of what I don’t need, and find a place for the things I do. So, today, I tackled the unholy mess that has haunted me for months. Acres of books and bags […]
Posted inLifestyle
What’s the deal with ‘howzit babe’?
I’m going to talk about “babe”. Not the movie or the attractive young woman, but the standard term of endearment amongst middle-class South Africans. It’s usually attached to greetings or questions. “Howzit babe” or “Babe, can you open this jar for me?” You hear it everywhere, usually in places like Montecasino or the Builders Warehouse […]
Posted inLifestyle
The jasmine is late this year
The jasmine is late this year. It’s nearly August and the flowers are still little more than tiny carmine spears poking out of a tangle of leaves. I love jasmine: it’s the scent of spring, of new beginnings, of possibility and the inevitably of clocking over of another year for me come the last official […]
Posted inMedia
Who remembers Old Spice?
Once upon a time, Old Spice was the smell of your dad. It was Carmina Burana and crashing waves. It was the gift you bought for a man when you’d long since run out of time and imagination and the bottle gathering dust in the bathroom cabinet. It was the sickeningly schmaltzy ad with the […]
Posted inLifestyle
The perils of drunk SMSing
So I’m sitting in a doctor’s waiting room waiting, as you do, for the doctor who is now over 20 minutes late, and I’m at a bit of a loose end. None of the magazines on the coffee table offer stories that will fill the gaping void in my sense of self, so I decide […]
Posted inNews/Politics
Is our hatred of Uruguay a form of xenophobia?
Chauvinism. In a previous article I reflected on the hostility towards Uruguay after their defeat of Ghana, and given that this still appears to be a hot topic, I thought I’d explore this in a little more detail. You probably know the word “chauvinism” from the expression “male chauvinist pig”, but it has other uses […]
Posted inMedia
Why are cats funnier than dogs?
Walking past one of the cubicles in our office building the other afternoon, I noticed a photo of a cat pinned to a board. On it were the words: “You cannot imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.” It struck me that this statement — which has become something of a meme […]
Posted inMedia
Is the vuvuzela the best thing to happen to us?
Back in April, Iceland paralysed half the world when one of its volcanoes produced an ash cloud that prevented commercial aircraft from flying. Thousands of people (including me) were horribly inconvenienced, but this wasn’t all bad news for Iceland. All that magnificent footage of that volcano with the unspellable name will forever more be associated […]
Posted inLifestyle
Is this Jo’burg’s most expensive haircut?
I think I may have just had Johannesburg’s most expensive haircut. I’m still completely traumatised, but I’m starting to emerge from the dazed and confused state that inevitably results when one has had a dreadful shock. I’d put off getting my hair sorted because I know that all hair salons see women coming, but not […]