Spare us from the tyranny of lists

Oh, spare us from the tyranny of lists. Is this what the sum of human knowledge has been reduced to? Is sorting what we have to say into discrete packets of information the only way ensure that you will be read? Quite possibly; after all, that’s why I’m guilty of doing the same thing myself. So, five ways to approach the delicate art of sponsored tweeting.

Enlightenment now comes in the form of a list.

2 ways to determine trend strength
3 things your auto insurer doesn’t tell you
4 ways to take control of your email
5 ways to better manage your online presence.
6 expenses you should never put on a credit card
7 reasons you’re not getting retweeted
8 things guys should omit from their online dating profiles
9 reasons you shouldn’t give an iPad for Christmas
10 ways to transform yourself in 2011
11 things not to say to a woman who has just been dumped.
12 ways to spot a cheat
13 types of posts that always get lots of comments
14 ways to be a great start-up CEO
15 ways to slim down for summer
16 personality types
17 different ways to die in the bush (technically speaking, that’s my own list, compiled by a character in one of my novels)
18 ways to protect your home from evil spirits
19 types of people at the airport
20 ways to eliminate stress from your life
41 causes of brand failure.
50 things men wish women knew.
60 signs you’re addicted to Facebook and Twitter.
101 signs of visible change

Lists create the illusion of order. They take away the burden of having to link one idea to the next, or distinguish when one thought starts and another begins. They’re a symptom of our impatience and our unwillingness to hunt for enlightenment, our attention spans long enough only to bridge the gap between one bullet point and the next.

Lists are value for time, and time is money, so lists are value for money. Lists are summaries of the pieces we don’t have time to read. Lists appeal to us because they promise resolution: if I read those stories promised on the cover of Women’s Health, I’ll be familiar with 15 ways to improve my skin or 6 new versions of the Missionary position.

Lists are also a symptom of the ridiculous fecundity of so-called advice floating about the ether, most of it generated by social media douchebags. Everybody is giving tips to everybody else, mostly on how to tweet or get more comments on your blogs. Eventually we will reach a point where everybody is giving advice to everybody else and nobody will be listening to anybody, and we’ll end up in one gigantic conversation with ourselves.

So here are my facile solutions to a complex and nuanced problem:

1. Stop with the lists. Accept that not all knowledge can be reduced to bullet points.
2. Delight instead in the pithy paragraph. Not all knowledge needs to be signposted so explicitly.
3. Accept that sometimes knowledge matters for its own sake. Lists imply that they are imparting useful knowledge — but if we exposed ourselves only to potentially useful bits of information, we’d probably become rather dessicated souls.

Sometimes, I think, it’s good just to know things — without having to put a number in front of them.