Disturbing beach habits 2

Will the 85-year-old lady with the droopy breasts please cover up and you with the size 12 Caterpillars on, take them off. The beach is full of sand. Sand feels good between your toes. You won’t feel the sand with the Caterpillars on. Grass rugby fields is where they play touchies and if one more rugby ball disturbs the Zen I’ve got going with the ocean that’s one more rugby ball going up the ass of an over-energetic adolescent. Mark, next time sommer tell Sarah you love her don’t write Mark (heart) Sarah in big-ass letters in the sand. It’s tacky. Or better yet, wait for the next time you guys have a lekker nasty fight then write SARAH IS A VINDICTIVE BITCH as big as you like. That’s class. PKL 15647 GP I reported you to the police and they say they’ll be swinging by soon. Did you not see the clever sticker that says “Only baboons drive on dunes”? You probably saw it but couldn’t figure out what a baboon is doing behind the wheel of a car. You, sir, are the baboon and that car you’re driving is the same one you’ll notice at the police pound tomorrow. Can someone please tell lifeguards that sleeping on the job means someone is drowning and just being a lifeguard doesn’t make you cool. David Hasselhoff knows this. He knows this all too well. Just like douchebags on jet skis should know that when they jet ski over a toddler they sever that toddler’s arm and scar him/her for the rest of his/her life. Owning a jet ski doesn’t give you Neptune’s Key to the Seas. It means you have enough money to spend on shit you don’t really need, which makes you an even bigger douche. Overweight, white as snow, take that surfboard out from under your arm, you’re not fooling anyone. Surfing requires a certain degree of fitness plus you and the board staying above water. The maximum amount of time you can spend under a shower at the beach is two minutes. That’s it. Anything more and you might as well bring some soap and shampoo and move in under the bridge with all the other bergies. And ladies, lie on your backs when you tan topless — it’s not 1959 any more.