The riot at the swingers' party and other tales

“They felt uncomfortable with him eyeing them off and I asked him to show some respect and take his clothes off,” said the manager of a nudist colony, who was explaining how a mini riot had started at the White Cockatoo resort in northern Queensland.
“He then threatened to bash me, there was some argy-bargy and I ordered him off the premises and police were called.”

Only in Australia, which turns out to be a goldmine of truly wonderful stories.

This is a land where men named Dwayne are fined for howling like dogs, people attempt suicide by brown snake and mysterious piles of abandoned dildos are found on quiet rural streets.

“It’s a real mystery. We have no idea where they came from,” one of the neighbours told the Northern Territory News. “I know they aren’t new. They look used.”

In Australia, men are arrested in places with names like Nobby’s Beach after leading the police on a slow car chase and being caught with their penises in pasta jars. (The police noted that the man, 46-year-old Keith Roy Weatherley, continued to “pleasure himself” with the jar “in between bouts of wrestling” with the police.)

This is a land where kangaroos break in through windows and wrestle with the people inside. A family in Canberra thought a lunatic ninja had broken through their bedroom window, but it turned out to be a two metre tall marsupial.

“A chef, originally from the Swiss city of Stans, Mr Ettlin, followed the thrashing and bleeding two metre tall marsupial and wrestled it into a headlock before dragging it down the hallway and out the front door. Left wearing just his shredded underpants and with scratch marks on his leg and buttocks, Mr Ettlin described himself as ‘lucky’. ‘I had just my Bonds undies on. I felt vulnerable,’ he said.”

It’s hard to imagine any country other than Australia being home to a reproductive health researcher called Cadence Minge; surely an instance of nominative determinism if ever there was one.

Only in Australia. I love this place.