Why does China or any country bother with censorship any more?

We were living in China when Tom Cruise arrived to do some scenes for Mission Impossible 3. One of the scenes showed the endless trails of laundry hanging out on the rails of apartment buildings. The Chinese censors delayed releasing the film and deleted scenes of tatty underwear and bras hanging on rails outside apartment windows.

Now this sight in Shanghai is about as commonplace as beach sand in Clifton, Cape Town. I have often considered starting a bra-and-undies-spotting hobby, a bit like train spotting or keeping a log of the daily weather, in which I would record the colour and size of panties, bras, dates seen, were they still dripping, and on which street. But if anyone saw the web album I would build up I would be accused (or celebrated) as a fetishist. It would also take me three times the amount of time to walk one or two blocks as there is sometimes just so much female underwear fluttering around. The spectacular pinks, purples and lilacs the ladies choose to adorn themselves, invisible under their public clothing, is fascinating. They flutter about like butterflies in the fields on dewy fields in the spring. It is amazing how just the thought of rippling fields of lingerie brings out the poet in me, nay, the minstrel.

The point of the matter is, by censoring these scenes, the Chinese censors drew a huge amount of attention to the phenomenon on the internet, both locally and internationally. They were truly peeing against the wind, or should I say, the hurricane, and wondering why they were getting drenched.

In fact, the pirate DVD vendors in China were rubbing their hands with glee. Firstly, by delaying the release of the movie, impatient customers bought their copies of the movies which they had already. (I know; I bought one.) Secondly, viewers were dead keen to watch the movie’s uncensored scenes which were on the pirated versions.

People simply want to know and our curiosity has led to the design of a gazillion different inventions since the Stone Age, and we have this ferret-like way of finding out things … eventually. The more forbidden the information, the juicier the taste and the desire to squirrel it out.

In China I cannot go into Google and find out any information on say, the Dalai Lama or Tibet because the Chinese government does not want me to know a different truth other than that which is portrayed locally, where he is seen as a drug lord, a mass murderer, a terrorist and so forth. Finding out information on even Deng Xiaoping, and his questionable relationship with the supreme hero of the Cultural Revolution, Chairman Mao, is difficult as well.

But, hey presto, there are a variety of proxy servers out there that let me look at whatever I like. Censorship is a waste of time; it brings more attention to what is being swept under the carpet.

What is a proxy server? For those of you who have free and unlimited access to the internet, it is a portal which allows you to go anywhere on the world wide web, and completely anonymously. There was a proxy server which the Chinese recently found out, and blocked us from using it. The reason was obvious. The name thundered forth the identity and purpose of the server with the subtleness of horse dung dropped on a wedding cake: it was called proxyforchina.com. The other ones I use are far more innocent in name, and no, I am not going to tell you their names as I do not know who is reading this.

So why bother with censorship any more? We all have a way of finding out the information we want, be it through Facebook or proxy servers, and the mere fact we knew someone at government level blocked the information just makes prying the lid open on the can of small, slimy and wriggling that much more compelling.

Thus Jacob Zuma is willing to step down from presidency after the elections — assuming he wins — if he is found guilty of the various charges laid against him. And I am the first to emphasise that he is innocent until proven guilty. But, if not, we will find a way of opening the can, if there is one. Oh yes, we will.