Telkom: SA's ugly underbelly

For years nations have been, rightly or wrongly, judged by their products. Coca-Cola and Big Macs have been iconic of the USA. Rolls-Royce and Aston Martin symbolised the UK. Exquisite wines, Yves Saint Laurent and grand cuisine epitomise France. Precision engineering and the finest quality are hallmarks of German products such as Mercedes-Benz.

The reverse was true as well. Forty years ago “Made in Japan” was a synonym for cheap, mass-produced junk. Then the Japanese decided to do something to rectify the global perceptions that they only produced trinkets and trash. Yamaha. Toyota, Honda, Suzuki are now planet-wide benchmarks against which even established brand names are measured. In Time‘s recent edition of Lists, all but one of the Top 10 most fuel-efficient vehicles in the world were “Made in Japan”.

For decades South Africa, a resource-driven economy, was measured by its gold, platinum and coal, and the technology — despite heart transplants, Kreepy Kawlies and dollose — it demanded to extract these resources was the envy of the world.

From those vaunted heights we have plummeted to depths where we have no global brands worth mentioning (though the millions of expats crave products such as Mrs Ball’s Chutney and Ouma Rusks). We have shot ourselves in the national foot by placing all our eggs in the one basket of natural resources, both underground and in the veld of our national parks.

Unable to offer the planet the likes of Ferrari, Bang & Olufsen, Sennheiser, Yamaha, Fortnum & Mason, iMac, Caterpillar (earthmoving equipment or clothing), Swatch, Police, Tommy Hilfiger — oh, the list is interminable, we fall back again and again on tourism, natural beauty and isolated pockets of excellent hospitality and service.

Of course, South Africans can move mountains when the urge takes them. We are two-time rugby world champions, the sideways-Y-fronts flag is to be seen at the top of most international sport (with the exception of soccer!) and the accelerating brain-drain is proof that we have the creative and intellectual magic to compete with the best in the world.

Why don’t we then? Why do the cheap Chinese imports still outsell and outlast any locally made clothing (to the extent where the labels inside even the hypocritical trade unions’ caps and T-shirts say “Made in China”)? Although we have some of the best IT software, not a single piece of hardware is locally made. Though we have the world’s best chop-shops, not one vehicle is “Made in South Africa”.

We do have one global benchmark though — Telkom SA — the worst telecommunications outfit in the world. From their sub-standard technology to their abysmal management, Telkom occupies the unenviable position at the bottom of every aspect of a telecommunications company. And it is a state-funded monopoly to boot!

The only company ever to be blacklisted by the country’s top consumer service watchdog bodies because of the worst service record and ethic this side of Mars, Telkom supports its poor technology with one of the worst and least responsive management structures in the world, under the “leadership” of Reuben September (himself regularly under clouds of various description) and reporting to the universally incompetent Ivy Matsepe-Casaburri.

I have been monitoring this national disgrace for about 15 years and its decline against every corporate scale is phenomenal to plot. I provide regular feedback sitting on research panels and independent advisory bodies … and

there is absolutely nothing good to say about Telkom

Yet it persists in branding itself as the “face of SA telecommunications”. Sponsoring everything from the virtually defunct Proudly SA fiasco to stadiums to sports tournaments to the Great Pawpaw of 2010 and supporting it all with massive advertising campaigns, Telkom SA still cannot get even the basic services expected of a global player right.

Millions of hard-pressed landline users will testify that, aside from being polite (usually), Telkom’s battalions of disconnected staff battling a crumbling infrastructure, unreliable technology, its own brain drain, antique governance paradigms and an apathetic, overpaid and woefully unqualified “management” cause more damage than good. Lies, falsehoods, deliberate half-truths and concealment are easy within a labyrinthine and obstructionist maze.

Yet Telkom’s fees are among the highest in the world on every front and its deliberately client-hostile service systems are supported by research survey after research survey that show that more than 90% of its client base would switch to an effective alternative if given the chance. The fact that despite its national penetration the group of three — CellC, MTN and Vodacom — offers a service that is almost up to Third World standards and the latest newcomer, Neotel, is less than a fart in a hurricane suggest great and nefarious felonies going on behind the scenes.

And why don’t we know about these? Because they are carefully protected by our own government, either directly or as a result of its own gross incompetence. And complaints to Icasa, the so-called regulatory body, are also just “sound and fury signifying nothing”.

Were Telkom just one of many players, I’m sure the picture would be vastly different. But they are not. Telkom is a monolithic entity unto itself, implacable, impervious and unassailable. Many of its blatantly criminal practices from fraud, to breach of contract, to false advertising to theft go undetected and unpunished.

However, there is another side to mafia-style monopolies. By its own advertising and by government complicity, Telkom is a South African brand as closely associated with this country as Disney is with America.

Thus Telkom has a national responsibility to reflect SA in the best possible light. The fact that this cancerous megalith fails in this mission too is a source of national disgrace. Were ours a responsible proper democracy, Telkom would be openly investigated by an independent judicial commission of inquiry (our version of a Senate Hearing). And then shut down.

And the reason why Telkom is not responding to the allegations and condemnation in this blog? To quote a late great journalist mentor of mine: “That would be fucking communication now wouldn’t it?” This circus cannot even do a half-decent job of defending itself — and that always speaks volumes about any company’s incompetence.

To anyone planning a trip to SA, especially for the soccer shindig, make sure you have either a satellite phone or bring your own telecomms technology. We wouldn’t want you to see the sordid underbelly of a nation in deep, deep distress, now would we?