Is it only me, or does Alec Erwin really think I'm thick?

During my boarding school days, when life in a church-run hostel serving a militarist government school was one of endless authoritarianism, we used to have a stock response to the ludicrous reasonings given for the ludicrous restrictions and punishments foisted upon us: “Do they think we’re thick?”

Of course, we had no choice but to kowtow to the rules. But at the same time, we had absolutely no respect for those rules and the punishments for transgressing them. They were so punitive, and their justifcations so arbitrary, it was only possible to tolerate them by developing a deep cynicism for authority figures. “Do they think we’re thick?” was the prologue to many chapters and verse about how thick they must be to think we are so thick.

So farewell then, Alec Irwin, who seems to think that I, and millions of other South Africans, are really thick. Since I don’t think he has the right to cane me for it, I’m going to ask him who he thinks we think is really being thick, after we’ve had to listen to one insult to our intelligence after another. Here is a brief litany from the last few years, some of which are already ingrained in our national culture of being thought thick:

28 February 2006: “I should also indicate that, any interference with any electricity installation is an exceptionally serious crime — it is sabotage … Sabotage is everywhere … We need to be very clear that the bolt in the generator was not an accident . . . suspects have been identified and we will take action … but it is appropriate that any such action be announced by the police and not by us.” — Press conference on damage to Koeberg nuclear power station.

5 June 2006: “In the private sector, the supplier industries, where investment lead times are longer, business leaders must have the confidence and foresight to invest now. Hesitancy and timidity is an obstacle to the growth that we can achieve. This is not an incitement to reckless planning but it is a call to courage.” — Address to the National Assembly for the Departmental Budget Vote (of course, he didn’t mention that he already knew there wouldn’t be enough electricity to back up this courage)

17 August 2006: “I did not use the word sabotage as we had to verify the existence or otherwise of a group before any such word was appropriate … There is no evidence of any organised group of any sort being the agent of an act of sabotage at Koeberg … Accordingly, we share the view of the Eskom CEO that we have to ascribe this to human error.”

25 January 2008: Eskom executives’ salaries are market-related. – Media briefing (even if they don’t get their bonuses, the basis on which their proposed bonuses were calculated must obviously be related to a mystery market with which Mr Erwin is familiar)

24 March 2008: The bonuses related to previous years’ performances, and it would be wrong to break their contracts by not paying them — Parliament (of course, that is a far greater wrong than paying millions in bonuses to an organisation in disarray)

27 February 2008: It was unclear whether proposed job cuts in the mining industry were caused by power cuts and electricity rationing or other factors, and “I’ve been a trade unionist for many years and you often use an event like this to explain something you’re going to do anyway.” – In Parliament

And we haven’t even got round to the Infraco undersea cable, which has the intention of protecting South African Internet users from that nasty demon called private enterprise …

No doubt you have your favourite “thickisms” from Alec Erwin. Please add them here, citing the source or venue of the comment!