Whither Bucs?

So Sundowns have signed Sibusiso Zuma (pencil him in for Player of The Year and get ready for the clamouring to begin for his restoration to the Bafana fold), Siboniso Gaxa, Katlego Mphela (who must be salivating like a skollie on a mandrax high, at the thought of the service he will be getting this term) and brought up some youngsters. In addition they are rumoured to be on the verge of signing Ntofontofo (Limpopo defences must be considering bucking the trend and heading the wrong way across Beit Bridge at that thought) and Tso (struggles to refrain from going on a rant about loyalty and the sanctity of the Orlando Pirates armband).

To the uninitiated, Ntofontofo is Collins Mbesuma, the current PSL goalscoring record-holder (Fani Madida’s record was in the old NSL) and bane of defences countrywide, but more especially up North where the proximity to the land of his birth must have done wonders for his form time and again. Puzzlingly, for all his brilliance, Mbesuma has one nemesis, Orlando Pirates’ Tonic Chabalala (insert own corny ‘just the tonic’ joke here) who being otherwise useless spent most of the season on the stands to fill in when injuries/absences depleted the Bucs defence or when Chiefs came into town. Their strange relationship is one of the PSL’s unexplained phenomena (along with the entire Laduuma commentary team), for no matter how blazing hot Mbesuma’s form was, Tonic had him in his pocket like so many nickels and dimes, to paraphrase Vito Sollazo from The Godfather. That Mbesuma proved flaccid in the English Premiership is as sad an indictment of the PSL as the continuing career and reputation of Trott Moloto.

As for Tso, really, I will refrain from commenting, except to say at least he didn’t join Chiefs (for surely our noble pink-friendly Constitution wouldn’t allow that?) and I am grateful for that. Hell, I’ll even convince myself that he and Teko Modise wouldn’t work in the same midfield (to be a Pirates supporter, eh).

The real gist of my concern is how in the midst of all this, that the “Mighty Buccaneers, The Happy People Tsunami, ezikaMagebhula ezagebhula umhlaba wendoda zawubhekisa phezulu” are doing the square root of bugger all. Diddly squat, to be precise. One never-was carthorse of a defender with the turning agility of a jack-knifed flatbed truck, and a former goalkeeping rising star in slow decline is the sum total of our notable transfers. I do not even know of any attempts to secure Tso’s signature, or any of the other available talent in the PSL. Hell, even The Black Prince Jomo doesn’t seem to be providing re-inforcements for our cause this term.

Pirates were k*k on the wings last season, everything depending on Teko’s magic down the middle. Are there attempts being made to sign the outrageously gifted and lifelong Pirates fan Scara Ngobese to add some pace, vision and flair down the left? Do not hold your breath. Do not start on his disciplinary record being a mitigating factor because that never stopped us signing Jabu Jeremiah Pule. As for a defensive mid to allow Teko the freedom to do what he does best? Nothing. Strikers who have some idea what goalscoring entails? Try another one. As for the defence, as mentioned before, we’ve added a negative asset and there’s still no talk of any further signings.

So much for the last few seasons being an aberration, then. We seem to be fast headed for another season of wailing and gnashing of teeth, for opposition supporters who dare mock us with facts and results that is. Unless of course as my ever optimistic gut feel tells me, The Iron Duke has some surprises up his sleeve for us and the rightful order will be restored to SA football. Please Sir, do not disappoint.

Ah well, I’ve had enough practice in making excuses and threatening blue murder when we couldn’t objectively argue our case. What’s another season? Am sure even my non-believer (i.e. non-Pirates supporting) friends would be in shock were I to have actual facts and results to argue my case with.

Who would be a Pirates supporter? Do not know, but it still beats being a Chiefs supporter. Every time.