My one's better than yours -- on politicians and potholes

Durban, I think, leads the way with load-shedding, and I’m not speaking of the power failures foisted upon us by those corrupt, inept, travel-voucher peddlers who deign to rule us. I’m talking here about bakkies losing their cargoes and even passengers when they run into the thousands — literally — of enormous potholes littering the streets of our fair land. People in cars too shed loads — of money — when they have to cough up for new tyres and rims, thanks to the abundance of craters to which they fall victim as they try to peacefully carry out their business in Durban.

On Monday, our city manager, Mike Sutcliffe, issued what could well be the first apology of his life. “Recently, the state of our road network has deteriorated and let me be the first to apologise for this. Whilst not trying to make excuses, this has been largely due to the excessively high rainfall, where more than 75% of the historic annual average rainfall has occurred in the space of three months, together with the industry year-end shutdown.”

Crap.

Durban’s average rainfall (according to the World Meteorological Organisation) is 1 009mm, of which 308mm, or 30,5%, traditionally falls from October to December. In 2007, those three months saw our tarmac assaulted by 142mm, 268mm and 57mm of water respectively — 467mm in total, or 46% of our annual average. That, Dr Sutcliffe, is nowhere near “75% of our historic annual average rainfall” and only 50% more than our historic average for those three months.

Bearing in mind too that 57% of that rain fell in November, well before the industry shutdown in mid-December, and noting that last month’s rainfall of 57mm was way less than the December average of 102mm, Sutcliffe’s excuse, delivered in mid-January, is unadulterated rubbish. Besides, since when does road safety close down for Christmas? Durban always has wet summers, and our roads have, quite frankly, never been anywhere near as bad as they are now. Much like our electricity supply, our hospitals, our police force and our city management, come to that …

And our traffic lights. Back at the beginning of November — well before the rain had started falling properly — Carlos Esteves, deputy head of eThekwini road systems management, said many traffic lights had been affected by rain, leading to many fender benders and some serious accidents. Umm — how long has Durban had traffic lights? How long has Durban had torrential rains in summer? Just about forever. But now, suddenly, our city is a basket case, with streetlights burning all day while about 40% of the city’s traffic lights don’t work at any given time, and we blame it all on the weather. With the collusion of Eskom, things are getting even worse.

The point of my diatribe is this: a motorist driving a car at night without lights cannot explain to a traffic cop that he was waiting for payday to have them fixed. A driver caught trundling along on smooth tyres will never, ever get away with the excuse that he’s hoping his bonus will be large enough to cover a set of new tyres in December. Anybody driving an unroadworthy car will be fined and, if it’s a working vehicle, may even be put out of business. What then gives our rulers the notion that we should be obliged to put up with uncarworthy roads? We all know that cars, roads, power stations and traffic lights need maintenance. So why is it OK for these creeps who rule us to ignore that, blaming everything on the weather, the taxpayer, sabotage, economic growth, racists — anything or anybody but themselves?

Anyway, let’s be positive about this and have a bit of fun. Lighten up! I’m going to run a competition to find the finest pothole in all the land, and you, dear readers, can send me photographs of your nominations! Points will be awarded up to a maximum of five each for size, depth and location. That way, a moderately deep pothole cunningly positioned in order to force drivers to cross a barrier line or clip a kerb could eclipse a whopper that can be seen from 100m away and easily avoided.

Here are some examples:

This scruffy effort that’s been lurking in Old Main Road, Pinetown, for at least two months looks impressive at first glance, but just doesn’t cut the mustard as a ball-breaker because it’s highly visible from afar, and too shallow to do any real damage. The location is good, though, so I’d give it five for size, one for depth and three for location, for a total of nine.

This pothole, on the other hand, discovered quite by accident in Limpus Road, Pinetown, gets a three for size, a two for depth and a five for location — notice the bakkie heading for the barrier line as the driver comes around the circle and suddenly sees it lying in wait? Great stuff, and it could be a winner in six months’ time, when it’s grown to a decent depth. This baby earns a very respectable 10 for now.

Now for the best of these three. Lurking in Underwood Road, Pinetown, it gets a five for location — notice how it’s smack-bang in the middle of the narrow approach to the roundabout? The gravel on the right attracts the driver’s eye, so the gaping, 120mm-deep hole catches him or her by surprise, and there’s a nice, steep kerb on each side to attack the car’s alloy rims if any evasive action is taken. Five for size and four for depth make it close to perfect.

Send your entries — JPG files, no bigger than 200Kb, please — to [email protected], saying where the pothole is situated, and, if possible, how long it’s been there. Don’t worry providing details of rainfall in your area — that’s irrelevant. I’ll post the best entries on this blog as they come in, and the winner gets a month’s free subscription to Thought Leader.

Municipal employees may not apply.