The Alternative 2011 Awards

With 2011 done and dusted, it’s time for some cheer to be spread among those sportsman and suits who, in a nutshell, didn’t say “The boys are disappointed” when asked how they felt about losing:

We will miss you award (if he is not reappointed)
Peter de Villiers – While not everyone’s cup of tea, De Villiers or Snor in acknowledgement of his mighty ‘tache, was never dull. In a professional environment where interactions between players, coaches and media are often as inspired as buttered toast, De Villiers never shied away from telling it as he saw it. Here are two examples of his brevity:

– “If I am the weakest line then we are bloody strong. I am a God-given talent. I am the best I can ever be. I know what I am and I don’t give a damn.” (a personal favourite)

-After winning the 2009 Tri-Nations: “We are very organised at the moment. We do not want to become a fruit salad.”

Bless him.

Best facial hair award
Adam Kleeberger, the Canadian rugby player. He deserves it. Seriously … wow.

Booty-blinded award
Graeme Smith – While it sucked that the Proteas lost in the World Cup quarterfinal, Smith decided to go to Ireland to hang out with his lady instead of coming home after said loss to face the music. At least he followed through and eventually married her.

You guys are so frikken awesome award
John Smit and Victor Matfield – The tributes were/are so all embracing after they retired that one would’ve thought they had ruled an isolated Asian country in unison for over a decade, then suddenly suffered a heart attack on a train.

The King Mswati III award
Sepp Blatter – No other sporting administrator/dictator exhibits the same epic delusions of grandeur and out-of-touch-ness (?) as the Fifa president. A desert nation gets awarded a World Cup in dubious circumstances? We’re spreading the game! Someone being racist on the pitch against a fellow player? Shake hands! Vice-president pulls out of election against you because of corruption allegations? There is no corruption!

Hand caught in the cookie jar award
Gerald Majola – Gets a bonus from the IPL and doesn’t tell his employers. Then gets another bonus from his employers for the IPL. Dodgyness becomes public, then blames “outside forces” as stink gets worse. Sounds like a succession battle.

Bargain bin award
Sunfoil sponsoring Test cricket this summer – With sponsors in short supply anywhere near CSA, Sunfoil came to the rescue. At least the Proteas will have well-oiled bats, or at least know a lot more about it (surely?).

The ultimate fail award
Bafana Bafana, Safa and Itumeleng Khune – Never has so much goodwill been squandered so fast as when the national soccer team decided to celebrate qualifying for a tournament they hadn’t actually qualified for. Safa then tried fighting a rule book they failed to read and Khune? He deserved a Golden Raspberry for that performance.

Honourable mention: Sports people on Twitter – When did decent spelling become so lame?

It was about damn time award
New Zealand winning the Rugby World Cup – Took them 24 years, and they had to wait to host the tournament again, but huzzah, Richie McCaw led his troops to glory. The French deserved to win the final, but the Kiwis deserved the glory. Four more years of pining would’ve done no one any good.

The WTF award
Canadians rioting after losing in ice hockey – Canada loves ice hockey but rioting … in Canada? That is exactly what happened after the Vancouver Canucks lost 4-0 till the Boston Bruins in the seventh and final game of the Stanley Cup final.

Honourable mention: South Africa only playing two Tests against Australia – Instead of three Tests, CSA opted for an extra T20 game. Ka-ching!

The nutter award
Imran Tahir – For a man who bowls leg-spin, he celebrates like a fast bowler on supplements when he gets a wicket. Super-keen spinners keep everyone on their toes.

and lastly a personal side note…

The best day out award (For fellow Lions fans, that is)
The Currie Cup final at Ellis Park/Coca-Cola Park/Coke Tin – When I lived in Australia, I watched Super Rugby over the internet in mostly Kiwi chatrooms. When said Kiwis were told that I supported the Lions, reponses varied from “you poor bastard”, to “shame”, to “LOL”. Ellis Park isn’t in the best place in Johannesburg, but being there when it was full, and acutally winning, was pretty damn awesome.

Till 2012, adios.