Does missing laptop plus two black people add up to guilty?

By Thabang Tlaka

It was a beautiful summer afternoon so my aunt, an employee of the University of Pretoria and I, a student at the university, decided to sit on a bench and enjoy the late afternoon sun.

Suddenly, a man came running out of the Theology building behind us. Clearly panicking and confused, he seemed to be in a state. He then turned and said: “Someone has just stolen my laptop, can I search your bags?”

“What?” I thought, “search our bags?” Does missing laptop plus two black people on a bench add up to a guilty verdict?

After a number of questions I let him search my bag. But four years later I cannot shake off what I felt that day. That incident unsettled me because in my analysis I realised that when that man was desperate, his real feelings (his prejudice) became evident. This makes me wonder: do we as South Africans (and Africans) just tolerate each other without acceptance? I, for one, would like to be accepted rather than being tolerated.

Firstly, what perturbs me is not the incident per se but that this is a snippet of what most parts of South Africa are like. I would argue that many interactions between individuals and groups are “tolerance games” that we play. We all know it. We constantly hear our family members and friends say things like: those people are loud, these people are racists, those people drink a lot, these people are cheaters and those people will bewitch you. Sometimes we are the perpetrators or initiators of these communications. We see it in views we hold regarding gender, religion, culture, sex, educational level and socio-economic status … even the 2010 World Cup — “let’s see if they mess it up” type of attitude. This is very telling about our national mindset.

Secondly, I am not looking for a fight. I am simply a young man concerned about the state of the nation and the true nature of that which we call tolerance.

As a human being, a young psychologist and thinking entity, I don’t believe that people can be neutral or truly be objective because the mind cannot be without thoughts and opinions. Not choosing a “position” is a position in itself and one cannot “not communicate”. I also understand that when people do not talk about what really matters to them, they will never grow. I also don’t believe in treating symptoms but agree fully with addressing the core maladies that eat at our souls and thus interfere with the potential for us to truly connect. True connections are usually difficult to establish because they require that we confront our selves. They dare us to look deep within ourselves, to admit the positives and negatives, the guilt and victories and sometimes require us to shift our misguided positions. True tolerance would require us to confront ourselves and that is a scary place to visit. I believe if we do not sit down and become vulnerable, frank and hopeful about our relationships with each other we will never progress as a nation and as a people.

In 2009, I had the opportunity to attend the Brightest Young Minds conference in Stellenbosch. One evening a few delegates sat together in a lounge in one of the female residences. The group consisted of about nine individuals (of various races and genders). This was not planned, but the group started speaking in an anxious, yet mature and respectful manner about South Africa, race and fear.

Someone asked how do black people want to be referred to? Was the term black OK? Someone asked whether black people want all white people to stop having children and someone else asked what the others think and feel about poor white people? It was an amazing evening as the various individuals in the group felt safe enough to talk about their irritations, curiosities, fears and desires for the future in such a way that broadened the understanding of the group as a whole. I understood something regarding tolerance and the holding of opinions: even if we have different views we need to respect each other.

This kind of mature, respectful and daring communication, I believe, will assist many individuals in relating more genuinely and resolving many misunderstandings. We still have a long way to go, but I ask this now: how do we as imperfect people achieve genuine tolerance with our contemporaries and those that are yet to come?

Thabang Tlaka is an intern clinical psychologist who is currently completing his MA with the University of Pretoria