'Snotklap' insults as art: Thought Leader commentators and giving offence

So there were Frank and Danny, just moseying along on the front of their wagon, thinkin’ about nothin’ in per-tick-u-ler, their two hosses ridin’ up front, wagon clattering over the stones through the plains of Tennessee. It came to Danny’s attention there was a whole bunch of flies around Frank’s horse’s posterior. He realised another black swarm was a-buzzin’ around Frank’s head. Slowly a truth dawned on Danny, and on account of that dawning, he asked Frank somethin’.

“Frank, why be it that the flies a-buzzin’ around that hoss’s ass be mighty like the flies a-buzzin’ around your haid, I mean head?” Danny was dead keen on improving his pronunciation and edyoukayshin. He had once watched with awe a gennelman reading aloud from a book.

Frank was silent, his face passive other than a frown as he tried to absorb this information and scratched his beard. But they just kept ridin’ along for ten minutes or so, thinkin’ about nothin’ in per-tick-u-ler, till eventually the grave import of Danny’s query suggested itself to Frank.

“Danny,” he enquired. “Is you insinuatin’ that cos them flies around that thar hoss’s ass are like the flies around my haid, and … erm … therefore … my haid smells like that hoss’s ass?”

Danny slowly frowned and tilted his head sideways in thought, twitching the horses’ reins as they kept ridin’ along for another twenty minutes or so, thinking about nothin’ in per-tick-u-ler. Then Danny had a profound insight and replied. “Frank, I aint insinuating’ nothing … but you sure is fooling them flies.”

That’s an old favourite joke, packaged MacKenzie style. It surely reminds me of some of the insulting commentary many of us have to put up with, or, in turn, relish on Thought Leadership. I must admit, I have never come across so many bitter or amusing or idiotic insults and misinterpretations hurled around under blogs as what I have seen on TL. I do visit other websites and TL seems to take the cake. At the end of the day at least the remarks are amusing or breathtakingly incredulous and seem to indicate the spicy character of TL’s readership, and suggest a cross-section of replies coming from a vibrant, multi-cultural nation. We have a number of usually polite (don’t get me wrong, I do impoliteness), intelligent commentators, my favourites being, amongst others (and in no particular order) Siobhan, Benzol, Mundundu, Brent and Kit. The abecedarians I would rather not mention.

I would ~~like~~ love to make a few comments on the joke above and how it relates to idiotic commentators. Note how Danny has no intention of offending Frank. He is just making a dumb query, the comedy of which never occurs to him; it occurs to the reader. The gaffe is in the reader’s face. (Note: by my use of the word “reader” I am implying someone who can actually read.) Note how Frank engages with Danny. Frank states the blindingly obvious and still puts it in a question: there is — just perhaps — a relationship between the odour of his “haid” and the horse’s you know what. The fact that it is posed as a question suggests Frank’s uncertainty and his inability to read a “text”, the text being Danny’s initial, profound question about the astonishing coincidence of the two swarms of flies.

Please observe that although the two characters are having a “conversation”, that is to say they are actually using English words and (lo and behold) something akin to sentences, they are having difficulty understanding each other. Or, they think they understand each other but have ponderous difficulty getting to that common ground. All too often the abecedarian commentators on TL dreamily miss the entire point of the blog and just go “ridin’ along” into them commentary boxes, thinking, I assure you, “of nothing in per-tick-u-ler” that is worth mentioning.

The flies are most apposite. Note how Danny is fairly adamant in believing the flies have been fooled. The reality of the situation (like the argument of a blog) is completely missed. The reality is that Frank’s head must smell like the horse’s posterior as we all know it is the heady fragrance of rich, mouldering excrement that the little demons are attracted to. Of course, we are also invited to think about where Frank’s head has been and from which aperture that head has been removed to “read” the blog and pass commentary. The suggestion as to the nature of that aperture and where his face has been also evokes his profound ignorance.

Oh them flies. They are so richly suggestive that it perhaps lies beyond the realm of this blog. Flies, to state the obvious, are brainless. If Frank is the lead commentator, then other abecedarians flock to his side, and happily buzz their agreement with his observations. Note the blame shifting, the shirking of responsibility. The flies are at fault (“you sure is fooling them flies”), not Frank. Where he inserted his head, Danny is asserting, is neither here or there and Frank also need not wash his head and shampoo his hair. Thus we have: Paul Ngobeni is not guilty of any serious wrongdoing in America. Caster Semenya has been discriminated against as a black and those who questioned her gender are racist. And so forth.

You may have picked up that I have studied a spot of literary criticism. The original author of the joke above (mine is a version, I admit) would never have had the above intentions, or meanings in mind, of course. But meanings shift, depending on context. If I could find the author, I would heartily thank him.

And of course, my characters Frank and Danny have no reference to any real persons at all. And certainly are not parodies of two specific commentators on TL blogs. Not at all. Definitely not. Promise. Scout’s honour. I swear. I … (cries of innocence continue till fadeout).