Martin Young
Martin Young

Hlaudi weather ahead – (a satire)

In news just in, SABC COO Hlaudi Motsoeneng has announced that the SABC will be abandoning weather “forecasts”, reverting instead to more reliable weather “backcasts”.

“We have found weather backcasts to be more accurate,” said Motsoeneng, “removing frivolous speculation and uncertainty. We know the DA wants to bring bad weather back into the country, and we don’t want that to happen. The ANC got rid of bad weather in 1994.”

When pressed, Motsoeneng made reference to a “blue tsunami”. “Whatever it is, we don’t want to see it anywhere in South Africa,” he said.

When asked about the drought and national water shortage, “You can’t fool me. I have been to the Western Cape where the DA rules. I have been to the Waterfront. There is lots of water. The DA is keeping it there in the Western Cape from the rest of the country. Even the fresh water that flows into the sea in ANC provinces like KwaZulu-Natal flows down the coast into the Western Cape. I have seen the maps!”

On the issue of getting that water to the interior, “I would dig a big ditch and let it flow into the drought areas”.

On pointing out that water doesn’t easily flow uphill he replied, “You still can’t fool me. I know the earth rotates. When it turns on its side the water will flow.”

ANC leaders have applauded this common-sense approach. “We don’t want the electorate to be confused with too many facts,” said the minister of telecommunications.

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    • Karl-Heinz Sittlinger

      Excellent. Seriously though: what can we do about him?

    • Phuck Tiffano

      they walk among us.

    • Rebel

      On a similar news forum I used the following analogy of a certain party who won, after a victorious battle for freedom, as first prize, a well maintained and fully functional wagon to ride out the storms ahead which they considered would be nothing more than a breeze.
      They however were not impressed with the wheels and since they had “innovative and highly schemed” individuals on board, they immediately set about redesigning their own set of wheels.
      With the new wheels fitted, the wagon refused to go anywhere.
      Along came a certain showered self made king and advised the “engineers” they should turn the wheels around and voila! the wagon moved, but only backwards,
      It’s OK he said. We will convince the nation this is the new direction we are now following to turn SA into something the world has never witnessed before.
      Today we are still in their new direction but the abyss is near. (Or is it a chasm?)

    • Amith Prahalath

      Hlaudi weather Hahaha this is a gem.

    • susanbande

      Brilliant! News that makes one smile!

    • martin

      An absolute beaut! Thanks for the laugh.
      Mind you – it is no less laughable than the ANC’s attitude to the economy and government accountability is it?

    • jemevans

      You know, Martin, that if you have to announce that what you’ve written is satire, it spoils the trick and ruins the plot.

    • YajChetty

      a very cloudy mind