Instead of wasting National Braai Day on Wednesday, why not combine it with a psychological evaluation while waiting for the meat to cook?
As you may be aware, psychologists employ the “Rorschach inkblot test” to ascertain whether a patient who is otherwise reluctant to open up has some kind of underlying mental disorder. This involves patients studying a series of inkblots and then confirming to the examiner what they think the inkblots look like. Sort of like examining the shapes in clouds except they don’t hospitalise you if you duff a cumulus nimbus.
On Wednesday, psychologists should be allowed to arrange the wors on the braai and then ask for suggestions from the geniuses standing around waiting for their piece.
* Unfortunately this test is not available in Zimbabwe.
In order to assist you I’ve estimated the kind of responses we can expect from famous people at the braai-side:
JUDGE MOTATA: “Doctor, you can scream as much as you like, to me it looks like Earl Grey.”
MIKE WATERS: “Can’t really say, it looks like something substantive but I can’t be sure, perhaps it was put there by the head chef because he doesn’t want us to get to the rest of the meat … wait, leave that piece … YOU’RE A THIEF … THIS BRAAI IS A FARCE!”
MANTO: “You put de lime in de coconut …”
BADHI CHAABAN: “It looks like something you’d find in a toil … Wait! I’ve just had a brilliant idea for a media liaison officer!”
CYRIL RAMAPHOSA: “As I’ve said in the past, I have no intention of coming to the braai.”
DIRK CONRADIE (Namibian Rugby Union): “I don’t care what it looks like; I’m just happy we all decided to stay at home where we can braai and watch it on TV.”
DR NOKUZOLA NTSHONA: “What wors? Anyway, I’ve brought the wine …”
DR RUTH RABINOWITZ: “I’m just interested in the cost of things. How much was that wors? What does a liver transplant go for these days? I’M NOT HAVING A GO AT THE MINISTER!”
SANDRA BOTHA: “If Mike Waters’s piece is ruined, we’re all leaving.”
ESSOP PAHAD: “I think it looks like someone’s trying to take the mickey; if it were up to me I’d pull the government’s advertising budget on braai day. It’s not the official line, but I feel very strongly about it!”