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Eskom’s power-alerts – How can we help you?

Eskom general manager Andrew Etzinger confirmed that power-alerts would be flighted on SABC television to encourage electricity savings.

Green, Orange, Red and Brown.

Sort of like the American homeland terrorist alerts but without the pictures of bearded men :

In order to assist you we set out hereunder the Eskom description of the meaning of each colour, with my translation into plain English just below :

“GREEN” – Limited strain on national supply.

In plain English (IPE) ; We don’t think there’s a problem but we’ve been wrong before.

“ORANGE” – Limited strain on national supply – turn off non-essentials to conserve power.

IPE : Non-essentials include heart-lung machines, respirators and the like.

It means they’re looking at their panel and they’re stuffed if they know why the switch keeps tripping.

“RED” – Increased strain on national supply.

IPE : We’ve killed all the patients, brought banking to it’s knees, wiped out the retailers and the manufacturing sector BUT still can’t push the switch back up.

“BROWN” – (Which will be the colour of your under-rods if you see it flashing) means significant strain on the national supply and power shedding is taking place…

IPE : They’ve switched the whole country off, they’ve tried bringing in every expert yet to be retrenched, there’s more electricity coming off your carpet than the national grid and they still can’t frigging get the switch back up.

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Please Note : Those of you who have written in to tell us that these wenners don’t have a clue why we are experiencing these blackouts are wrong.

For example they confirm ;

The whole of Cape Town was blacked out last November because Mr Alan Goosen of Seapoint had to turn on his CD Player at the same time as Roger Mhakanya of Stellenbosch was using his Snackwitch Maker. If people are going to go wild the grid just wont cope.

Remember Eskom are people too.