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The Sumo

Posts published by “The Sumo”

The Sumo is a strapping young man in his late 20s who considers himself the ultimate transitional South African. Born and raised in a KwaZulu-Natal township near Durban, he was part of the first group of black initiates into the "multiracial" education system. He was (and is) always in contrast to the norm, black in "white" schools, a blazer-wearing coconut in the township streets, and now fat in a sea of conventional thinness in the corporate world. This, and a lifetime of junk-food consumption and beer guzzling, has culminated in the man you will come to know as the Sumo. See life through this man's eyes; see life through lard.

The God-Fearing People’s Party

I was watching the news yesterday for some reason, I must have been either really bored, comatose or my housemate was forcing “current affairs” (aka…

I blame your mother

Why do women in Johannesburg have to be so lazy?! To say that I am a traditionalist would be a wild inaccuracy. Yes, I am…

The Valentine’s Day Heist

Yup, Valentine’s Day is coming up again this month, that rip-off of monumental proportions only eclipsed by that fat-guy-in-a-red-bodysuit scam that comes conveniently around bonus…

I am quite positively in love with Agnes

Agnes is the lady who comes around every Tuesday to do our housework and make sure the house I share with a housemate, D-dog, doesn’t…

Hands off my beloved brown bottle

I reiterate — I love beer. The golden nectar is truly a gift from the Almighty. There is a quote attributed to Benjamin Franklin that…

My brothers, they will never let you win

I love beer … a lot. Most of my life revolves around the stuff. I have formed and broken friendships and relationships based on whether…

Why is it not prostitution?

Disclaimer: This piece has nothing to do with any engagement I may have had or will have in the near future with any female imagined…