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Wherefore art thou Badih, buddy?

So the news wires and opinion forums (this one included) have been all abuzz about the latest chapter in the life of a well-connected, rule-flouting, middle-aged businessman. Views, bile and hysteria have been spewing forth much like the golden nectar from the draught taps at a hot, lazy and increasingly despondent Kingsmead this past weekend.

Except I can’t help feeling we’ve been worrying about the wrong dude. Schabir may well symbolise some of the less upright aspects of our new dispensation but he doesn’t hold a candle to the man I consider the king of this “did he, could he, well I wouldn’t put it past him” game — Badih Chaaban. I mean what did Schabir do? Loan his mate some money. That kind of thing happens all the time. Nothing remarkable there.

Guy didn’t make many headlines till he got his family to Chip(py) in and add “Mo” scandal. (puns fully intended, it’s my blog). Our man Badih on the other hand rolls solo. Like all decent man heroes.

Look at his (totally alleged) general deviancy rap sheet:

Shady leasing deals — been there, done that:

Double-crossing his alliance partners with their sworn enemies — ditto, stole the T-shirt this time:

“Incentivising” councillors to cross over to the dark(er) side — check:

Spy vs spy adventures — yup, you guessed it, our man has been there:

Harry Potter style dark arts practices — old hat to our man Badih it seems:

And of course, the coup de grace, what separates those worth celebrating from occasional page 3 fodder — personal scandal:

Of course the most notable thing here is this all happened quite some time ago and one wonders what’s going to be his next trick. Joining the ZCC to try and get a piece of its 2 million plus voter strong pie? Championing the environmental cause to woo the loony green brigade? If it can be imagined, I figure he’s up to it.

One thing I know though, whatever it is, it will relegate Schabir’s shenanigans to where (I feel) they should be, the sub-eds recycle bin.

So Badih, where are you when we need something surreal to rescue us from the news?