Sipho Hlongwane

All your base are belong to Fifa

South Africa’s artists shouldn’t be the ones moaning. Do they really think they’re going to be worse off thanks to the World Cup? In case you’ve been under a rock for the last few weeks, or have been too busy living your life to care, a bunch of South African artists, lead by the poet…

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SpeakZA: Bloggers speak out on free speech

South Africa faces many challenges as a country. We have one of the worst crime rates in the world, unemployment continues to hinder progress and the government faces an uphill battle with corruption within its own ranks. What we have enjoyed so far since the advent of democracy is a free press. Those who drafted…

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The race card and the irony of irony

Having a RaceCardTM neatly tucked into your wallet, ready to be despatched at a moment’s notice, makes you a card-carrying … what? A bit of a spanner, maybe? Yeah, someone’s finally done it. There’s a RaceCardTM now, complete with choice of colours and neat little boxes to tick. The idea is that you wave it…

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Did Nelson Mandela sell out?

It’s an uncomfortable question, but one that bears asking, because it has far reaching implications for the future of South Africa. The battle for Nelson Mandela’s legacy has begun, even before his death. In an interview published by the London Evening Standard, Winnie Madikizela-Mandela had no doubts as to where her ex-husband stood. “Mandela let…

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Here Be Squalls: Navigating ANCYL dullard-speak

Why do people hate Julius Malema so? I’m honestly perplexed. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I don’t love him. Do you see me in a JZ shirt, baying out mshini wami outside the ‘Maritzburg High Court, sweat dripping from beneath my Dickies taxi-boy keppie, scuffed ankles and once-white All Stars straining as I give the…

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Dear white liberalist person,

I get it. I totally understand. The whole “white in a post-colonial, post-apartheid South Africa” thing. The terribleness of carrying the burden of your racist ancestors, for no other reason than being the wrong colour in the wrong place. The irony of having to prove your non-racist views at every turn thanks to things that…

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Woeful State of the Nation Part 2

In part 1 of this blog post, I discussed the State of the Nation address, delivered rather badly last Thursday by the president. I mentioned how the problem of crime had gone almost completely unmentioned by the Comrade Leader’s speech. Thankfully, I’m not the only one to decry the lack of crime prevention strategy in…

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Woeful State of the Nation Part 1

Lofty ideals. Fanciful notions. Good intent. That is the problem with our government. You see it in the legislature where good intentions pass the Consumer Protection Act which, though intending to protect the hapless consumer, will mostly result in more expensive goods and services. You see it in the judiciary, where lofty ideals abolish the…

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The seven highly annoying habits of boardroom prawns

A meme that has been doing the rounds, where rude and obnoxious cyclists are insultingly called prawns. You know the type, they walk into the café while still wearing their cycling helmets and shoes, the salt from their evaporated sweat powdering their neck and shaven calves. I approve. Life is littered with prawns, and all…

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Vegetarians cause me grief

As I type this, it’s late Saturday afternoon, and my hands are shaking deliriously, my eyes have shrunk to the back of my head, my gums have gone all mushy, my teeth are falling out, my bones are like butter and I’m pretty sure the dull thudding sound in my ears isn’t normal. I had…

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