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Ndumiso Ngcobo

Posts published by “Ndumiso Ngcobo”

Once upon a time, Ndumiso Ngcobo used to be an intelligent, relevant man with a respectable (read: boring-as-crap) job which funded his extensive beer habit.

One day he woke up and discovered that he had lost his mind, quit his well-paying job, penned a collection of hallucinations. A bunch of racist white guys published the collection just to make him look more ridiculous and called it 'Some of my best friends are white'. (Two Dogs, ISBN 978-1-92013-718-2).

Nowadays he spends his days wandering the earth like Kwai Chang Caine, munching locusts, mumbling to himself like John the Baptist and searching for the meaning of life at the bottom of beer mugs.

The racist publishers have reared their ugly heads again and dangled money in his face to pen yet another collection of hallucinations entitled 'Is It Coz 'm Black'.

He will take cash, major credit cards and will perform a strip tease for contributions to his beer fund.

The Pope and Balaam’s ass

I am a Catholic, albeit a semi-practising one. Don’t make me go into the detail — let’s just say the missus is not perpetually knocked…

The future of The Silwane Files

I suppose it was always inevitable. Someone was bound to see my column in the Sunday Times, add one and one and get eleven. Look,…

Sex and Coldplay in the middle stall

So, two teenagers had intercourse in a public toilet today. At 3pm. The one in the afternoon. I had just come from a meeting in…

Apparently, I have no fashion sense

A few weeks ago I was invited to an ANC election rally in Sandton’s trendy Taboo nightclub. I think they called the rally the Fikile…

Auctioning Kgomotso to the highest bidder

I believe that there is a dearth of insightful, incisive yet irreverent and witty social commentary on these shores. Look, our publishing houses churn out…

Would you buy my newspaper?

Apparently newspapers used to report the news. I can’t say for sure because that was before my time. Those were the days. It has been…

Human nature will triumph over the internet

At about 10.30 on Friday evening I returned a missed call from one of the cultureless, classless and nondescript collection of heathens I’m known to…

When people used to like me

I remember a time when people used to like me. Those were the days. Conventional wisdom dictates that the older we grow, the wiser we…