Sarah Britten
Sarah Britten

Be honest. Are big boobs better?

The other day, while checking the news on the Sydney Morning Herald website, I happened across this story. It’s about how a spectacularly tasteless Greek wedding in Sydney, spread to Facebook and then across the world, passed on by those of us who treasure chav* culture in all its rich and varied forms.

Have a look here. The photos are priceless. Keep a special look out for the glimpse of the hot pink stretch Hummer.

The big fat Sydney Greek wedding reminded me of this story about the big fat Gypsy wedding. You will notice, if you look at photographs of the bride here, that there are a number of similarities with the Australian wedding. The shortness of the skirts stand out, for one thing. And the chest area of the brides. **

I have to confess that despite the pink Hummer, the hot pink cake with black polka dots, and the ponytailed groomsmen, what stood out most for me about this wedding were the marvellously cantilevered breasts of the bride. These monumental gazongas cannot possibly be real … can they?

Which brings me to another question. Do men find the sort of thing that brings to mind comparisons with the spanspek section at Fruit and Veg city attractive? Are bigger boobs better?

On available evidence, across the gamut of thoracic topography from Kiera Knightley to Jordan, I would have to surmise that this is the case. Look at the acres of flesh featured in FHM. The page 3 girls and so-called “glamour models” of the Sun. Wonderbra and National Cleavage Day. All the Porsches of all the plastic surgeons offering hope to the flatchested.

I’d love to know whether anybody has done research into the cultural and class dimensions to male interest in mammaries? Is social class inversely proportionate to cup size? Big boobs certainly appear to have working class appeal, at least in the UK. Interestingly, Victoria Beckham has been rumoured to have had a breast reduction in order to distance herself from her trashy WAG look.

So there you have it. Big boobs just aren’t classy. Which, I suppose, gives those of us who are A or B as opposed to DD — and the significant others in our lives — something to hold onto.

* The Australian equivalent is bogan.
** The mother of the UK bride is also, um, impressive.