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Ten tips on how to be a colonial

1. Constantly compare your country, its people, its practices, its food, drink, scenery and products to the overseas version and always find the local version wanting.
2. Ignore the cynicism and spiritual poverty of nations who have seen better days.
3. Have no faith in home-grown solutions. Always look for international or European or US best practice.
4. Strive always to be “world-class”, whatever that is.
5. Hold in your heart a deep-frozen vision of country your ancestors came from, and foster a nostalgia for a time and place that never really existed, except in some books.
6. Travel thousands of kilometers to see second-rate musical theatre.
7. Regard as artistic success only those people and productions that make it big overseas.
8. Build houses and buildings better suited to the chilly, sunless Northern Hemisphere than the sun-abundant south.
9. Fulminate against corruption of developing countries and not against the rich northern companies that do the corrupting.
10. Never be happy with where you are.