Peter van der Merwe

Here’s why I’m angry with Cope

Hi, my name is Peter, and I voted for Cope in the last elections. And now I’m angry. Hopping, spitting, bang-my-head-against-the-wall angry. Not because I was gullible enough to believe Cope could provide a feasible alternative. Not because Cope effectively stole my vote and then proceeded to gleefully trample all over it. Not because the…

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MTN reveals the meaning of Ayoba

So cellular giant MTN has finally revealed the massive scam behind its supremely irritating Ayoba campaign: this Christmas, 500 employees will be getting job cuts in their stockings. Ayoba, we are told, means “super-cool”. And by extension, everything about MTN is cool. What a hideous joke. There is nothing cool about hacking jobs for Christmas…

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F*** the poor, say SA’s porky politicians

Britain’s recently been shocked by the “news” that avaricious members of parliament have been fleecing the taxpayer royally. But their MPs are mere amateurs compared to those we’ve elected in South Africa who have their snouts so deep in the trough that they’ve forgotten why they are there in the first place. The rot starts…

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Time to muzzle the blue-light buffoons

Turns out the head of South Africa’s blue-light loony brigade is feeling a bit unloved. Sniff. Sob. Let’s all cry him a river. “The South African public doesn’t respect the vehicles of the VIP Protection Unit,” sniveled Commissioner Mzondeki “Sean” Tshabalala this week. Then, his voice cracking with bewilderment and emotion: “They simply refuse to…

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Time for the ANC to grow up

So the ANC is bleating about what it sees as an “unwarranted intrusion” into the private life of acting President Kgalema Motlanthe — who, it seems, suffers from the Bill and Jacob syndrome of being pathologically unable to keep his hands off women he is not married to. In fact, that bastion of sense and…

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The cost of scoring in 2010

When millions of football fans descend on South Africa in mid-2010, it’s not just the country’s tourism industry that will be welcoming them with open arms. Never slow to miss a trick, practitioners of the world’s oldest profession will be bracing themselves for the inevitable flurry of scoring that goes with an event like the…

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Casino culture rots our souls

Here’s one suggestion for helping ease South Africa’s economic and moral woes: close all casinos. Right now. For they have utterly no redeeming features whatsoever. And while we’re at it, let’s draw a knife across the throat of that monstrosity called the lottery. At a time when South Africa is crying out for good old-fashioned…

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The deranged musings of a police spokesperson

Geez. The life of a police spokesperson, I tell you. I thought I was getting a cushy desk job. I should have known better when I was the only one to stick up my hand when they asked for volunteers. Now I sit here taking the heat for everyone else’s f***-ups on a daily basis….

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Time to make good on the promise of democracy

Quick, what’s the difference between a catfish and a politician? The one is a slimy, predatory, bottom-feeding opportunist that would eat its own young. The other is a fish. That’s the overwhelming feeling washing over South Africa’s battered middle-class as they watch the bizarre events unfolding ahead of next year’s elections. There’s a new logo…

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