Martin Young
Martin Young

Hlaudi weather ahead – (a satire)

In news just in, SABC COO Hlaudi Motsoeneng has announced that the SABC will be abandoning weather “forecasts”, reverting instead to more reliable weather “backcasts”.

“We have found weather backcasts to be more accurate,” said Motsoeneng, “removing frivolous speculation and uncertainty. We know the DA wants to bring bad weather back into the country, and we don’t want that to happen. The ANC got rid of bad weather in 1994.”

When pressed, Motsoeneng made reference to a “blue tsunami”. “Whatever it is, we don’t want to see it anywhere in South Africa,” he said.

When asked about the drought and national water shortage, “You can’t fool me. I have been to the Western Cape where the DA rules. I have been to the Waterfront. There is lots of water. The DA is keeping it there in the Western Cape from the rest of the country. Even the fresh water that flows into the sea in ANC provinces like KwaZulu-Natal flows down the coast into the Western Cape. I have seen the maps!”

On the issue of getting that water to the interior, “I would dig a big ditch and let it flow into the drought areas”.

On pointing out that water doesn’t easily flow uphill he replied, “You still can’t fool me. I know the earth rotates. When it turns on its side the water will flow.”

ANC leaders have applauded this common-sense approach. “We don’t want the electorate to be confused with too many facts,” said the minister of telecommunications.

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