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Five questions and the first law of flatulence

Why can’t nose hairs just be sexy? They’re such a pain to trim. Growing a moustache is a style choice. The same goes for growing a beard. And there are lots of chicks who are into that scrubby bastard look. But the moment you have stuff growing out of your nose (or ears), it isn’t so sexy any more.

Who came up with the law: “He who smelt it, dealt it.?” It simply isn’t true. I was just on a Jo’burg-to-Cape Town flight and found myself next to a woman who passed gas as easily and as frequently as breathing. I smelt it. But I most certainly hadn’t dealt it.

Why do they keep installing three-pin sockets when we’re living in a two-pin world? We’re tired of running around trying to find adaptors.

Who died and made the “Aerial King” king? I bought the aerial, but he ain’t no king of me. And don’t get me started on Bruce, the supposed king of beds, or the “Damp King”. That name’s been reserved for future use by the Prince of Wales.

And, finally, has anybody else noticed that all the people in alcohol ads are stone-cold sober? They’re all drinking, of course. But they’re not even a little glassy-eyed or lazy-tongued. It’s ridiculous.